If He Wants To Keep His Options Open, He’s Just Not Into You

He claims you’re the girl he wants, but he’s just not ready for a relationship. No matter what, he won’t take the next step. He says he just needs to keep his options open right now, but if he really wanted you, why wouldn’t you be his first and only choice?

  1. If you were the right girl, he wouldn’t be afraid of commitment. That’s the sad, sorry truth. Just because he wants to be with you doesn’t make you right for each other. You wanted to be with your exes, but things change. He can say he wants you all he likes, but if that was true, he’d put his money where his mouth is and lock things down.
  2. Options are for people who don’t know what they really want. He can’t just choose option A, B, C or D — he needs to keep every option available. Why? Because he’s not sure which option he really wants. Somewhere in his head or his heart, he’s conflicted. He’s not sure if you’re the girl he really wants to be with and that’s why he keeps his options open — in case someone better comes along.
  3. If he really wanted you, he’d do whatever it takes. He wouldn’t sit idly by when there’s a risk of another man scooping you up. If he realized what a catch you are, he would never take you for granted. Actions speak louder than words, especially when it comes to relationships. So if his actions are telling you that he doesn’t really want to be with you, it’s probably time for you to take the hint.
  4. Maybe you’re what he wants but not what he needs. There’s something that you’re not fulfilling in his life. That’s why he never lets you get too close. When things start heading toward taking the next step, he pumps the brakes. He may think that he wants you, but his gut might be telling him that you’re not the girl he needs. Either way, if his head and his heart don’t agree then you’ll never be anything but an option.
  5. You don’t deserve to be strung along by a man who isn’t really interested. If your relationship isn’t moving forward, you’re just wasting time. He’s holding you back because he doesn’t know what he really wants. That’s why he keeps his options open — he doesn’t want to settle for you and then regret it. He’s not certain you’re the girl he really wants, so he just continues to string you along while he figures it out.
  6. Keeping his options open isn’t the same as taking things slow. If you’re taking things slow then he’s still focused on you. Keeping his options open means that you’re just one of many possibilities in his life. He might not want to jump into a relationship, but if you’re really the girl he wants, a relationship is exactly where you should be headed. So why does he need other options?
  7. Something is obviously missing from the relationship. If he needs to keep his options open then there’s obviously more that he wants (or needs) than just you. He’s not satisfied with how things are and that’s why he won’t fully commit. For him, something’s missing. That’s why he doesn’t want to give you up, but he won’t give up his freedom either.
  8. Having you should be more than enough. If he wants to have his cake and eat it too then he doesn’t deserve you. You might be what he wants, but if he also wants to have other women, you need to decide if you can be happy with an open relationship. If you’re not enough for him on your own and he needs more than one woman to satisfy his needs, then it’s pretty damn obvious he’s not over his playboy stage.
  9. You deserve a man who doesn’t even see you as an option. Instead, you need a man who sees you as his one and only — not a choice, but an undeniable pull towards his only future. You should be like magnets to each other; it should feel irresistible. If he has the ability to stay away from you, then he’s just not right for you.
  10. Mature men go after what they want. Maybe he’s just a boy who’s not ready for a real relationship. If he were a man and you were the girl he wanted, he’d be fighting just as hard as you are for a relationship. Boys sit by and let good women get away from them. Men hold onto the good ones because they know that girls like you are hard to come by.
  11. If he refuses to commit, there’s a reason for that. Something is holding him back from having a real relationship with you, so what is it? You can’t ignore the problems in your almost relationship. You’re not even together yet and he’s already pulling away from you. Keeping his options open isn’t a decision without reason. At the end of the day, no matter how much he sugarcoats it, he’s still saying he doesn’t want to be with you.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.