If He Wants To “See Where Things Go,” They’re Going Nowhere

If He Wants To “See Where Things Go,” They’re Going Nowhere

Things have been going really well. You’ve been on several dates, he texts you every day just to check in, and you really feel like you’re building a meaningful connection. Then when it comes time to DTR, he tells you that he wants to “see where things go.” WTF? He tries to frame it as just being cautious with his heart, but here’s what he really means:

  1. He doesn’t want to claim you as his. When a guy says he wants to see where things go with you, he’s basically shouting out, “I don’t want to make a commitment!” He’s hoping to keep things casual. That’s really the opposite of taking a stand and saying, “I want to date you exclusively.” So what the hell are you guys doing?
  2. He doesn’t want to take a leap of faith. Does anyone ever really know where a relationship will go? No. People jump in and make things happen. When a guy’s really interested in you, he doesn’t have to test the waters with his big toe — he’ll dive right in. Indecision is a decision, and it’s not the right one.
  3. He’s not going to be putting in any effort. “Seeing where things go” is like living in someone else’s home for a while. You’re only checking it out and seeing how it feels to live there, but you don’t own it so you’re not going to be putting in much effort to keep it in great condition. Why should you? That’s way too much work if you’re not buying it.
  4. It’s a euphemism for “I want to date other people.” If he’s merely seeing where things will go with you, he hasn’t made your relationship exclusive, so what’s stopping him from dating other women? Absolutely nothing. He might be seeing where things go with any number of other women, and you deserve better than to stick around and see where it all leads.
  5. He doesn’t want to get real. Things don’t have to become serious because he can sort of be there and take his time to figure things out. This keeps him at a distance from the relationship, but does that mean you should wait around? Hell no.
  6. He feels less than you do. Sometimes people’s feelings just aren’t in sync. That’s what could be happening here. He’s not as interested in pursuing a relationship as you are, so he’s holding back. But honestly, relationships aren’t relay races. You should be running together instead of you running ahead and hoping he’ll catch up with you.
  7. Something happened to make him backtrack. Perhaps you were dating and then things were about to get serious when he changed his mind. Maybe the dude’s the kind of guy who loves the chase but not the stability of a relationship. Whatever the case, the only thing you need to know is that he’s backing out of the relationship driveway. That’s your cue to hit the gas and GTFO.
  8. He doesn’t want expectationsOh, this one’s annoying AF. When a guy’s keen on a relationship, he’ll make it clear with what he says and does. He’s not going to say, “Hey, don’t have any expectations of me,” which is pretty much what it means when a guy says he wants to see where things go. He’s not your BF yet so why would you treat him as such? He doesn’t want you to have expectations because he won’t be fulfilling them.
  9. He’s not boyfriend material. If he was the stuff great boyfriends were made of, he’d be rising to the challenge and totes keen to date you exclusively because he knows he’d treat you right and make you happy. Seen in that light, this loser’s actually doing you a favor by holding back.
  10. He’s incapable of living in the moment. Sometimes guys who say they want to see where things go follow it up with, “Let’s concentrate on enjoying what we have now.” But don’t be conned. He’s not that interested in living in the moment — he’s hoping you will, though, because then you’ll give him what he needs right now, with no demands for the future.
  11. He’s about to ghost you. A guy who wants to see where the relationship is going seems a little too similar to a guy who’s preparing to ghost you. Why? Because both men are doubting the relationship. For him to stop dating you and tell you that he wants to just check things out or see how they go, it means he’s riddled with doubts. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have to do that. You’d just keep dating as you were because you’d be going somewhere.
  12. He’s got no real plan. Every guy worth his salt should know what he wants from the woman he’s seeing. This guy’s plan is just to keep enjoying your company for as long as it’s convenient. For him, that is. What crap.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.