I fell for him somewhere between being great friends and noticing how sexy he looked without a shirt on. He was interested in me, but not in having a relationship with me. I hoped that would change, but I wish I’d moved on ASAP from this emotionally unavailable man instead. Here’s why:
I couldn’t change him.
Why did I think I could change the guy or make him want a relationship? I should’ve understood that not wanting a relationship “right now” didn’t mean that he was actually saying that “later” would be a good time. “No” means no.
I wasted time that could have been better spent.
Seriously, why waste my time and love on a guy who wasn’t seeing me in a romantic light? It was a huge waste that could’ve been put to better use loving someone who saw me the way I needed to be seen: as a girlfriend, not a platonic friend.
Suffering is an option and I kept choosing it.
You know what they say: pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Yes, it hurt like hell to get rejected by this guy, but I chose to love him for a long time after that rejection, which just intensified the pain unnecessarily. I did that to myself!
I’ll never get those years back.
Yes, years! I spent almost two years pining for this guy, which feels so embarrassing when I look back on that time in my life. It’s a really long time to waste on someone who was never going to feel the same way about me.
Now when I look at him, I can’t believe I liked him.
It’s funny how years ago he was the only man I could see in a room full of other guys, whereas when I saw him recently, I felt nothing. I don’t understand what the hype was! If only I’d trusted in the process and believed that moving on would be good because I really would get over him, my life would’ve been so much better.
It was stupid to hang around and wait.
I thought that if I couldn’t change him, then I could wait around for him to want to change of his own accord. I ended up hanging around, accepting friendship with him in the hope that it would blossom into romance. But it didn’t and it rarely does — especially if it’s forced!
The more he rejected me, the harder I tried.
It’s a funny thing but the more he rejected me by not choosing to date me, the more I thought I should continue holding on. Rejection became addictive, and I guess I thought it would make my victory even sweeter when it did happen. Sure, they say don’t give up, but I should have walked away because I was trying to turn water into wine.
I pushed away other guys.
TBH, I didn’t even notice other, more attractive guys who were interested in me around this time because I was so ridiculously focused on this unavailable guy. It’s sad, because I pushed away some really good guys who would have reinstated my faith in love and shown me that it doesn’t have to be so painful.
I got a much-needed reality check.
I was filled with hope that someday we’d get together. I had this idea in my mind that if we did date, it would be so amazing. But while chatting to a friend about him, my friend told me straight up, “It’s not going to happen for you and this guy.” My friend added that if it had been meant to happen, it would have by now. He was totally right — I was holding onto an illusion, instead of facing reality.
I allowed my self-confidence to get zapped.
Being rejected by this guy over and over again really took its toll on me. I started to see myself through his eyes, thinking I wasn’t good enough or worthy because he didn’t want me. It was such BS. His opinion shouldn’t have mattered more than mine.
I accepted the “better than nothing” situation.
He couldn’t give me what I wanted — a relationship — so I settled for still being in his life as his friend. But this was a bad idea because it made me even more miserable. I’ll never again settle for less than I deserve — I’d rather just walk away.
He was toxic.
I thought I could change his mind by showing him how great I was for him and how much fun we had together. When good times happened, I thought things were going to progress for us, but then he’d always pull back just when I thought he was going to make an official move on me. It was a horrible mind game that proved to me that an emotionally unavailable man is toxic. He might be a good guy, but not always. Holding on for him always ends up being toxic in one way or another.
I wasted energy.
The worst thing about holding on for an emotionally unavailable man is that it takes up so much energy. Even when I wasn’t with him, I was always thinking about him. The saddest part about this is that he wasn’t thinking about me; he was out there living his life and dating other women, which ultimately means he didn’t deserve a single thought from my head. I’ve learned the lesson that my sanity, like my time, is so damn valuable, and I won’t give it away again.
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