Narcissists can’t stand it when other people shine – it threatens their fragile sense of superiority. Their manipulative games are aimed at sabotaging your hard work and keeping you under their thumb. Don’t fall for their schemes! Protect yourself by recognizing the underhanded tactics they use to try to knock you down. Here are 15 warning signs to watch out for so you can stay ahead of their game and secure your success.
1. They don’t congratulate you.
When you achieve something or get what you want, you’ll be left waiting a long time for the narcissist in your life to congratulate you. Even a simple “Well done!” is like pulling teeth because they simply don’t like it when you succeed.
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2. They turn every conversation back to themselves.
A simple way of sabotaging you is to prevent you from communicating so you can’t feel good about yourself. They might even try to block you from speaking to other people in group settings so you don’t get to connect with others. Whenever they speak, they’re going to be louder, funnier, and more entertaining than you.
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3. They belittle you.
Narcissists are classic manipulators, Psychology Today notes, and they want to control you as much as possible. They’ll put you down in subtle ways, such as with degrading comments to make you feel bad about yourself. For example, they might say, “If you had more motivation, you could’ve run this company” or “I like your blonde hair – it makes you so much prettier.”
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4. They exclude you during social events.
Narcissists see life as a zero-sum game, and your success is a threat to their fragile ego. They’ll sabotage your social life with subtle, yet damaging tactics. Expect to feel drained and isolated in their presence as they aim to undermine your positive connections. They’ll either play the spotlight-stealing diva or give you the silent treatment, all designed to chip away at your confidence and destabilize your support network.
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5. They ask for favors to create chaos.
When you’re stressed at work, you can bet that the narcissist in your life will choose that as the worst time to get in touch and ask you for a huge favor. It’s common for narcissists to cause drama to reel you in so you pay attention to them instead of what else is going on in your life.
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6. They appear interested just to keep you close.
While a narcissist might seem to be happy for you when your life’s in a good place, don’t buy it! It’s usually a way for them to keep tabs on what you’re doing. They want to control you, so knowing what’s happening in your life enables them to do this. They might also be reeling you in and making you think they care so they can manipulate you for their own gain down the line.
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7. They steal your ideas.
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Narcissists crave constant validation and view everything as a competition they must win. This can be particularly frustrating at work. Imagine this: you present a brilliant idea in a meeting, only to have a colleague steal it moments later, claiming it as their own with a feigned look of forgetfulness. This is a classic narcissistic tactic – taking credit for your work to inflate their own sense of superiority. But be aware, their “forgetfulness” is rarely genuine.
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8. They outshine you.
A narcissist will always try to outdo you. Whatever great things you’re blessed with in your life will always be average to them, whereas whatever they have will be marketed as amazing. They have to win at any cost.
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9. They make everything about them.
When you’re going through a difficult time, the narcissist will find a way to bring you down or make it about them. For example, they might pick a fight with you about something silly on a day when you’re running late to an important meeting or are sick in bed with a nasty cold. They might even blame you for not being there for them when you’re the one who needs support!
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10. They spread rumors about you.
A narcissist wants to derail you as much as possible to control you, and one of the ways in which they might do this is by spreading malicious gossip about you. They want others to view you negatively so they can sabotage your happiness or success.
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11. They give you things they know you can’t have or don’t like.
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While you might find it nothing more than coincidental when the narcissist in your life brings you your favorite chocolate cake when they know you’re on a diet, or when they throw you a surprise party even though you hate surprises, they’re not doing this accidentally. They want to throw you off and make you feel bad for failing to appreciate their “thoughtful” gestures.
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12. They pretend to care.
A narcissist is selfish and manipulative, but they’ll pretend to feel for you. They mask their manipulative tendencies with faux concern, saying things like, “I know you’re busy, but are you sure you can handle such a big workload/focus so much on your dream? I’m worried about you/I don’t want you to get hurt.” This helps them keep you exactly where they want you.
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13. They disrespect your boundaries.
You’ll find it extremely difficult to have healthy boundaries around a narcissist. They’ll disrespect your time, such as by calling you to vent about their relationship for an hour when they know you’re busy, or they’ll insist on seeing you when they know you’re helping a friend.
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14. They laugh when you get a compliment.
Narcissists don’t want you to succeed in life, in any way. If you get a compliment because someone else notices what’s great about you, they’ll laugh it off or downplay it instead of being happy for you. For instance, if you come home and tell them that a stranger complimented your glowing skin or lustrous hair, they’ll make it seem like the person was just being nice or that their comment was insincere.
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15. They shame you for looking after yourself.
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Self-care is an essential part of success, but a narcissist will make you feel bad for engaging in it. The reason? They don’t want you to put yourself first. So, they’ll roll their eyes and call you boring when you say you have to go to sleep early because you’re exhausted or they’ll tell you meditation doesn’t work when you explain that it’s your go-to stress reliever.
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