Do you ever wake up some days and wonder where the last few years of your life have gone? You’re always busy, giving your all to everything and everyone in your life, but you feel like you don’t have anything to show for it. If this sounds like you, here are 17 ways that you might be living your life for other people and not yourself.
1. You stopped doing things you love because other people think they’re “uncool.”
There’s a special place in hell reserved for people who stop people from being themselves. If society makes us all divest with all the things that make us interesting, then we will all end up as gormless, smooth-brained koalas. Sacrificing your interests in order to seem “normal” is a tell-tale sign that you’re living for other people.
2. You think your boss’ approval will improve your life.
Spoiler alert: it won’t — there will always be a new hustle or something on the horizon for you to chase. You should do the work to understand what it is YOU want out of this life, then start getting it. As long as you show up on time and do the job to the best of your ability, you can take pride in your performance.
3. You burn out trying to get promotions.
Chasing high-performance metrics such as promotions and pay raises at work is a clear signal that someone is trapped within hustle culture. You think you want all these goals and milestones, but what you’re really chasing is the ability to brag about how objectively successful you are.
4. You’re always comparing yourself to your friends.
You obsessively compare yourself when it comes to who has the best job, who’s paid the most, or who has the “best” relationship. Your friends are unlikely to be aware that they’re competing, but that won’t stop you. You don’t realize that there’s enough room for everyone to be happy and succeed.
5. You’re insecure that people secretly think you’re untalented.
You spend so much of your time trying to perform a hyper-competent personality and you’re always trying to maintain that facade that you are in control. No one is thinking these things — if anything, your friends want you to take a break. It’s not just okay to chill out sometimes, it’s downright necessary.
6. You own more than 5 self-help books.
There’s nothing wrong with researching wellness and how to improve our mental health — it’s healthy, up to a point. However, when it starts to become obsessive, it ceases to serve its purpose. It’s a sign you’re living your life for other people when you find ways of fixing yourself rather than listening to yourself.
7. You always put people on a pedestal.
When you have such little self-confidence, it’s natural that you put all the other people you admire in your life on a pedestal. However, that makes them unattainable and reinscribes your own feeling of being less than.
8. You have a problem with authority figures.
It’s a paradox: You simultaneously want to be the authority figure and mirror their rise to fame, but you’re also resentful and jealous. It doesn’t make for being a team player in a workplace environment if you can’t just be yourself.
9. You mirror other people’s judgmental attitudes.
If you have such little value in your own self, interests, and opinions, you will start to copy other people. Even the negatives. While you might not naturally be judgmental (because you think everyone else is better than you), because you’ve removed all the hobbies and things that gave you a personality, you’ll all too easily absorb these negative values. Focus on inner confidence.
10. You’re always worried about being “weird.”
Everyone is insecure pretty much all the time. However, most of us have tools and methods we use to manage those feelings. When you’ve spent your whole life pandering to other people and doing what they think is right, you’ve risked a lot more than just being ‘weird’.
11. You never tell friends when you’re upset.
When you’re so hell-bent on protecting the image of yourself, you’re never vulnerable with other people. In your mind, that would mean admitting that you’d failed and people would judge you.
12. You start to lie a lot.
The impulse to lie comes about when you feel an ingrained sense of shame about your identity. You can’t control it and that’s why you resort to lying. If you’re living and lying for other people, ask yourself if the friends you’re concealing yourself from will judge you, or if it is just in your head.
13. You make up hierarchies that don’t exist.
Inferiority complexes can be challenging to overcome, particularly because they also prompt a superiority complex towards people you view as being unimportant. Either way, it’s a waste of energy. Believe that you’re all equals and all have inherent value.
14. You always try new diets or exercise fads.
If you’re living for your parents’ approval you will always remember those times your mum commented on your weight growing up. It has instilled in you the desire to chase short-term fixes like diets and extreme exercise regimes – but they won’t stop the problem at its core.
15. You get obsessed by your partner and forget the rest of the world.
When people aren’t in control of their own life they’re not living in moderation. It means that these people commonly dive into relationships too fast and shut themselves out from the world they never tried to understand. You don’t grow anymore, you just go from seeking approval from one person to another.
16. Without work and school you feel unmoored.
People who live for other people rely on a structure against which to define themselves. This could include school or work, where there are clear goals and measures of worth. Without that, and given your lack of interest in sports teams or other casual communities, you have a hollow existence and let other people’s opinions ruin your life.
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