I Wanted His Approval So Badly, I Lied About These Things

There’s so much pressure when you meet a guy you finally like and see a future with. The search leading up to that point is so dismal that it could feel like your chances of finding a soulmate in the millennial dating world is equivalent to winning the Mega Millions jackpot. Once you do meet a prospective potential, it’s so overwhelming to wonder if he’s not going to like you or you’re going to blow it somehow. To keep him from running in the other direction, I kept these 8 white lies of omission secret so he wouldn’t run in the other direction.

  1. My past relationships When it came time to talk about our number of exes, I wasn’t entirely forthright with my response. Did every single almost-relationship, random hookup, and short-lived disasters have to add to my total body count? Looking back, I’ve clearly had some moments where I must’ve been going through some things because of my questionable dating picks. Boredom and loneliness can truly breed a dangerous state of mind. I feel like there should be a statute of limitations on how long some people remain on your relationship credit history. Maybe even an annual one-time accident forgiveness on a horrible partner choice mistake. Some of the baggage I checked onto my plane needs to be left and not carry-on with me for the rest of my life.
  2. Being on birth control No, I was definitely not trying to trap him, but why should he expect me to endure weight gain, acne, and extra hormonal mood swings? We were using condoms anyway. I’m glad he wanted the extra assurance, but sometimes guys just don’t get it. If he wants to have completely risk-free sex, we should either be married or just not do it. Women go through enough physical discomfort without being told by their partners to take a pill every day.
  3. Still talking to other people I wasn’t cheating or trying to date anyone else. He definitely had my full attention as someone I was trying to build a future with, but it was hard to not want more time and communication from him. I liked him a lot and could talk to him all day but knew that clingy behavior would be stifling and push him away. To keep my cool, I stayed talking to other guys as a way to remain busy and give my guy space. I didn’t want him to think he couldn’t trust me because it was totally harmless and meant nothing. It just worked for me.
  4. My housekeeping skills… or lack thereof If Before the first time he came over, I literally did the best deep cleaning since I moved in. He could never know my place constantly stayed ‘lived in’ when he wasn’t around. He’d have to wait until we got married to find out I can be a total slob. Even when he would try to do a surprise drop-by, I was able to cover up my less than goddess-like domestic ways with my best The Big Comfy Couch “Ten Second Tidy” skills (thanks for the important life lesson, Loonette). I wasn’t about to leave evidence of my subpar homemaking.
  5. My past vices When I entered my 30s, a lot of my priorities changed. As boring as it sounds, I started going to bed earlier, drinking less and watching a lot more HGTV (Design On A Dime is inspo heaven!). I’m just not the same reckless impulsive girl I was in my late teens and early 20s. So why should I dig up every growing pain left in my grave of youth? He’s meeting the person I am now and who I’m working on growing into being in the future. It didn’t seem worth it to resurface parts of myself I’ve long since evolved from. I didn’t want him to see me in a negative light and judge me on something that’s no longer a relevant part of who I am.
  6. My handy skills that I actually have Men want to be helpful. They love to play the rescue role for a perceived damsel in distress. When I had a totally doable home improvement project, I intentionally played incapable and acted like I was lost in the wilderness without his manly assistance. His ego could not have inflated more, and it made our connection stronger. While guys admire an independent woman, it can also be super intimidating if it seems like you can really do bad all by yourself. So, I threw his masculinity a bone and saved a small project for him.
  7. That one time I did actually cheat I don’t know if this fully counts as cheating, but there were a couple of times I was still dating around before ending up with one person or was on bad terms with the guy I was with and saw someone else while we were on a break. If cheating isn’t a regular pattern or it wasn’t a whole serious ongoing affair, confessing to it may bring more trouble than it’s worth in the long run. What he didn’t know didn’t need to hurt him or what we had going on.
  8. How much money I had in savings He knew what I did for work, and I generally lived paycheck to paycheck with my spending habits. What he didn’t know as that I had a rainy-day fund on the side. I’ve been with guys before who, once they knew about a little stash of money I had, found a way to finesse a chunk of it for themselves (without returning any). I wasn’t about to go down that sorry road again and be played for a fool once more. He wasn’t even paying my bills or contributing to my retirement anyway, so I was keeping my exact financials to myself.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer