If you’ve ever wondered why your parents never had board games in the house, maybe it was because you were way too competitive as a kid. Maybe you’ve carried this competitive spirit into adulthood. While it keeps you sharp, gets your blood flowing faster, and can make you cultivate a winning mindset, if you’re way too competitive, it can be stressful and wreck your relationships. Here are 10 effective ways to be less competitive. It’s a good thing, we promise!
1. Compete With Yourself.
While it might sound trite, you should focus on being competitive with your previous self. Be better than you were last month or last year. This is where growth occurs, not when you compete to the death with other people, which can become unnecessarily stressful. So, take a breath and focus on your goals and be the best you can be.
2. Stop Beating Yourself Up.
While you want to compete with yourself because it’s healthier, you don’t want to beat yourself up – ever. Feeling like the worst human to walk the earth because you didn’t ace an exam or win a tennis match isn’t going to help you out. Treat yourself with kindness and love. You’ll get so much more done.
3. Be (Genuinely) Happy For Others.
Real talk: it’s not always easy to be happy for others when they achieve a goal. You might resent the fact that you work harder and don’t get halfway as far as them. It sucks. But, try to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine how it would feel to achieve that success? Be happy for them, remembering how horrible it was when someone was intimidated by your success. Now, take it one step further and learn from their success.
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5. Don’t Try Win The Comparison Game.
A big part of competing with others is comparing yourself to them, but this is a dangerous spiral that leads to unhappiness. You can’t always win at everything, so this game is pointless. Oh, and get off social media so you stop feeling crap about yourself because you think other people are winning and you’re losing. It’s fake information!
6. Consider Other People’s Feelings.
If your competitive nature is OTT, you might turn everything into a competition, like when you’re playing Monopoly with your besties during a pajama party. But stop and think about how your friends are going to feel when you’re trash-talking them or throwing the board over because you’re pissed off about losing. In these cases, too much competitiveness can ruin a good evening.
7. Celebrate Your Losses.
Okay, this might sound weird but it can help you to get out of your competitive mindset. Sometimes, losing something is actually a win. For example, if you “lose” a relationship with someone who’s a drain on your energy. Losing can also teach you valuable lessons that you won’t get from winning, such as resilience and patience. Embrace it!
8. Find Times To Focus On Genuine Happiness.
Winning isn’t everything. If you live your life like it’s a massive competition that you have to win at any cost, you’ll miss out on situations where you can just be without all the pressure. To deal with being too competitive, find instances during your day where winning doesn’t mean anything. Meditate, be mindful of your surroundings, and find joy in small moments. This is what brings more happiness.
9. Think Before You Trash Talk.
When you get into the heat of competition, even if it’s supposed to be friendly competition, you might let your competitive spirit take over so you trash talk people you’re competing against. Yikes. If these are your friends or co-workers, it could cause stress and awkwardness for all concerned. It might even lead to conflict, which you don’t need. Stop creating drama!
10. Find A Distraction Instead Of Being A Sore Loser.
If you can’t help but become a sore loser after losing a game, such as if your tendency is to blame other people on your team or sulk, this can dampen the mood for everyone around you – and it makes you seem childish. Don’t do it, okay? Instead, distract yourself. Maybe go for a coffee or run after the team event so you don’t carry the mood back to your office.
11. Stop Keeping Score.
If you’re competitive, you might keep score in your personal relationships. For example, maybe you hold onto grudges or keep mental notes on what your partner’s done to upset you. Doing this is vindictive and petty, and it can cause drama and pain in your relationships. Ask yourself if being right is more important than having a peaceful union? Does keeping score really matter, and will it matter in the weeks, months, and years to come? Probably not. Asking yourself these questions will help you to throw away the stressful scoreboard.
