You’ve been invited to a party and, although you want to go, you’re nervous. You worry that people are going to be looking at you and judging you. What if they hate you or you have a panic attack in front of everyone? Okay, stop and take a deep breath! People are so worried about themselves that they’re probably not even going to notice that you’re feeling insecure. Besides, there are ways to fake being confident even if insecurity is getting the better of you — here are a few to try.
1. Stand Upright.
Your mother was right: stand up straight! Seriously, it gives people the impression that you’re confident and makes you seem more attractive, even if you’re not feeling it. If you walk into a room with your shoulders slouched, you give the impression that you’re scared to take up space. That’s not what confident people do. So, keep your shoulders back and your chin slightly raised. Now you look ready to take over the world.
2. Smile.
It’s simple but effective: just smile at people who look your way. This makes you appear friendly and approachable while giving the impression that you’re comfortable in your skin. You don’t have to give a huge grin — that’s creepy — because a small smile works fine. Try it in the mirror a few times so that it looks natural and like you haven’t been practicing it in the mirror.
3. Avoid Defensive Movements.
Confident people don’t close themselves off with their body language, such as by crossing their arms. Doing this has the effect of making it seem like you’re shifty or insecure, or you don’t feel like you can be open with other people. Check that you’re not guilty of other defensive body language, such as leaning your body away from people or not making eye contact. (BTW, if you struggle with this or anything else on this list, check out our sister site, Sweetn. They can help!)
4. Keep Still and Don’t Fidget.
When people are nervous or insecure, they’ll show it by moving too much. So, they might fidget, tap their foot, or wring their hands. Try to remain as still as possible when you’re around other people so you look like you’re relaxed and confident. If it helps, find a reason to walk around and explore your surroundings. This is useful if sitting still is too difficult.
5. Ask Questions.
A clever hack to help you if you can’t seem to gain the confidence to talk about yourself is to ask other people questions. This takes the pressure off you for a bit. It shows the other person that you’re interested in them, and they’ll happily take the bait! It also sneakily gives you a chance to get to know them a bit so you can calm down and speak in a more confident way.
6. Make Non-Creepy Eye Contact.
If you struggle to make eye contact with people, don’t force yourself to stare into their eyes – that’s creepy! Instead, look at another part of their face for a few seconds before looking into their eyes again. You can also break eye contact without appearing insecure by making a gesture, such as an eye-roll during a funny part of your story or by closing your eyes when you laugh at their joke.
7. Slow Down Your Speech.
If you’re insecure, you might be so anxious about chatting to strangers that your speech speeds up. But this just makes you seem unconfident or like you’re racing through conversation because you’re afraid. So, force yourself to slow down your speaking. It can also help you to speak at a lower tone so you don’t have a high pitch that comes off as insecure.
8. Feel Good About Your Appearance.
FYI, it’s not your appearance that can make you appear more confident, but rather how you feel about it. If you step out of the house wearing a dress that makes you feel insecure, it’s going to make all your interactions lack confidence. Ditto for if you’ve done your hair in a way you don’t like. By comparison, if you feel confident and kick-ass with what you’re wearing and how you look, this will rub off on you in a good way.
9. Don’t Put Yourself Down.
To deal with your feelings of insecurity, you might try to put yourself down in a joking way to make people laugh and take the pressure off yourself. But this can backfire. By teasing or mock-insulting yourself, you could easily come across as self-deprecating. This can be negative to people you don’t know well and can make them think you’ve got low self-esteem.
10. Pay Someone A Compliment.
This tip works well to make you seem confident in various social settings. Maybe you’re unsure of what to say to the stranger sitting next to you. All you have to do is compliment something about them to break the ice and appear confident. This is also a great way to take the focus off yourself, so you can step out of your anxious thoughts and pay attention to your surroundings.
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