Here’s What I Say When Someone Tells Me My Standards Are Too High

I’ve had people tell me that my standards are too high when it comes to love and dating, but what do they know? If you ask me, my standards are just right. I’m glad that I have these ideals. I don’t shoot for perfection, but I also don’t settle for less.

  1. I know what I want. Just because I know I want certain things, like someone who doesn’t smoke weed, doesn’t make me snobby or mean my standards are too high. I know what I’m looking for in a partner. I keep my mind open to new experiences, but I don’t open the flood gates when there are red flags everywhere.
  2. I’ve settled in the past and I’m done doing it. I know what it’s like to lower my standards and settle, allowing myself to be with someone who really wasn’t a good fit for me. In fact, I did this over and over again. It hurt and it wasn’t fun. It just resulted in being unhappy and probably resentful at whoever I was with. You won’t find me doing this anymore!
  3. I used to avoid asking for what I need because I didn’t know how good I was.  In the past, I wasn’t aware of just how wonderful I was. In fact, I thought I was innately unlovable. I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me and that I needed fixing or saving. As a result of this, I didn’t ask for what I needed.
  4. I’m smart enough to know that I deserve the best. Now I know that I deserve all the good things. I know that I’m lovable and worthy just because I’m a human being who deserves respect. Knowing this about myself keeps me from falling for people who don’t fit my standards. It’s a good reality check, a reminder that I actually can hold out for the right person because I deserve them.
  5. Life is too short to be with someone I’m not happy with. Standards aren’t all about being “good enough,” they’re about compatibility and being with someone I’m happy with. We have a short time here on planet earth—I want to spend mine with people I like. Is that really so much to ask for? Does that really make me a princess who demands too much with my high standards? I don’t think so.
  6. I decide my standards, not someone else. No one else gets to tell me what my standards should or shouldn’t be. That’s something I get to decide entirely on my own or even with a group of people I trust. Certainly not another random person who thinks they know me. I refuse to let external pressure affect my choice in who to date.
  7. I’ll never totally change myself for someone else. It’s not to say that I wouldn’t change something here or there if it felt like the right growth move for me and it was a compromise with a loving partner. You can count on not seeing big changes, though. I refuse to change myself for someone else. This is why I need someone who can meet me where my standards are, nice and high up.
  8. I’m not afraid to be alone. I think what makes my standards so powerful is that I’m not afraid to be alone. That means I don’t falter when I’m feeling lonely. I don’t throw my standards out the window and settle down just because I want to be with someone. Being able to be alone is a powerful thing that no one can take away from me.
  9. Maybe they need to raise their standards. If someone’s taking the time to judge me then they need to look in the mirror at themselves. They’re in no place to criticize me. Perhaps if they think my standards are too high then theirs are too low. Who knows? I’m not the judge, but I do know that my standards are just fine right where they are. Let me know how theirs are going.
  10. There’s too much enlivening love in the world to settle. There’s so much love to be had! It’s everywhere and there are people who will be matches with me, I trust it. I really believe that the universe will put the right people in my life and those people are going to be awesome. Our love will be off the charts. That’s the kind of experience I want in my life, not settling for some person who barely brings joy to it.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at