We’ve all been in relationships before that just felt like they were meant to be. It felt like you were in the right place at the right time. Like you were supposed to meet your partner at that point in your life. And while things didn’t work out in the long run, you still look back on the relationship with fondness. You learned a lot from your time with them and are glad it happened. Sounds like you were in a karmic relationship.
What is a karmic relationship?
A karmic relationship is one that is intense, passionate, and usually short-lived. It’s a connection between two people that feels magnetic and unstoppable because it’s so all-encompassing. You may even mistake your karmic partner for your soulmate for this reason. However, this is unlikely to be the case.
The purpose of karmic relationships is ultimately to teach you something important about yourself, love, or life (or all three) that you needed to know to evolve as a person. That’s not to say that the connection between the two of you isn’t important or real. The bonds you experience are deep and indelible. However, they exist for reasons that are bigger than our understanding.
Many people believe that these relationships happen as a way to resolve issues carried over from a past life. In this way, you can change karma by processing, changing course, and eventually healing. Of course, you don’t have to believe in spirituality to benefit from a karmic relationship. You simply have to be open to what it has to teach you.
Why are karmic relationships so difficult to maintain?
Because they exist to impart specific lessons, karmic relationships tend to be temporary in nature. You both have something to learn from one another that you couldn’t have done on your own. Once that lesson has been received, the relationship no longer has a purpose for either party. That’s not to say that you no longer care about the other person. Rather, you begin to feel that there’s nothing left to gain by staying together and you decide to go your separate ways.
Shannon Kaiser, author of The Self-Love Experiment, tells mindbodygreen that these relationships are “meant to help you grow at soul level in often difficult push-pull ways, but usually they are not intended to last a long time. This is because you are coming together in this life to clear karma between each other. It’s often a balancing out of a bad experience from a past life.”
Signs you’re in a karmic relationship
- You’re immediately drawn to one another. This is a sign of soulmates, of course, but it’s also one of a karmic relationship. The connection is fast, intense, and you’re powerless to stop it. Relationships like this tend to go from zero to 100 pretty much overnight before you even have a chance to process what’s happening.
- You quickly become inseparable (read: codependent). Once you’re together, things pick up steam quickly. You spend 24/7 together. Much of the rest of your life falls by the wayside because your relationship becomes a central focus. Needless to say, this is extremely unhealthy and contributes to karmic relationship burnout.
- You have massive highs and devastating lows. When things are good between you, they’re amazing. But when they’re bad, they’re unspeakably horrible. You’re on a constant roller coaster of emotions to the point that you never know where you stand. It’s very toxic.
- You struggle with communicating effectively. You often feel like you can’t get your point across or that the other person simply doesn’t understand you no matter how clearly you speak. You’re on totally different pages when it comes to communication, which makes for a lot of frustration.
- Something feels off but you can’t put your finger on what. You realize early on that there’s something not quite right about them/the situation. However, because nothing sticks out as being a major red flag, you simply carry on. This usually comes back to bite you in the end.
- You feel addicted to them/the relationship. Things are so intense between you that it feels like an addiction. You’re on a high when you’re with them and the relationship takes over your life. When you’re apart, things feel off-balance and you’re not sure what to do with yourself.
- They bring out the worst in you. A healthy relationship brings out the best in both people. A karmic relationship does the opposite. Because you’re both there to learn your own unique lessons, this can put you at odds more often than not. Suddenly, you find yourself turning into someone you don’t really like.
- You constantly worry about things coming to an end. You know things will end, but you’re terrified of when that day comes. You’ve invested so much of yourself and your life into this relationship that you don’t know how you’ll pick up the pieces when it’s over.
- You often feel tired when you’re with them. There’s something about them that’s extremely exhausting. Mentally, emotionally, physically — you’re just so tired. What’s worse is that you don’t know how to stop it.
- You know you should leave but you can’t. Even when you’re ready to end the relationship, you feel completely stuck. You don’t even know what’s holding you back, but you do know you can’t move. You find yourself hoping that they’ll pull the trigger first to save you the trouble.
What you can learn from it
While the specific lesson you glean from a karmic relationship will depend on the person and the situation, the biggest takeaway should be that things don’t have to last forever in order to matter. You aren’t a failure because your relationships end. It’s often the best course of action for both people, especially if you notice toxic patterns, you feel unhappy or unfulfilled, or you’re not on the same page.
How to walk away when the time is right
Ultimately, you will know in your gut when a karmic relationship has reached its natural conclusion. While it may not be easy to act on this knowledge, it’s important that you do. You don’t want to waste your time or theirs or be disingenuous with them in any way. That would be unfair to both of you and cruel to them.
When you find you’re ready to move on, communicate this directly with the other person. Unless you feel that your safety may be in danger, do this face-to-face rather than via text or email. Be clear that you want to end the relationship completely and that your decision is final. Don’t be cruel or accusatory, and don’t be tempted to over-explain your reasoning. Show kindness and gratitude for the connection you shared and wish them well. Chances are, they may already be on the same page and will be happy you had the courage to do what had to be done.
