What It’s Like When The Person You Love Changes Completely

It’s hard to imagine how complex long term relationships can be until you’re actually in them. We tend to think that when we’re there, we’re there and it’s going to last – but like anything else, there are a variety of dynamics that ebb and flow over time, and sometimes people can change pretty dramatically. Here’s what it’s like when the person you love starts to look like a different person right before your eyes.

  1. Fear sets in. Whether your love is changing for the better or worse, change can be a bit unnerving, and that often plays out as you being scared. What’s going to happen next? Are you still compatible? Does he want things to end? It’s terrifying.
  2. You get momentarily inspired. Seeing someone change shows you that you can change as well, and we all have things we could be improving upon. Maybe if you make a change, as well, it will ensure your relationship stays the same. That’s sound logic, right?
  3. You feel a sense of loss. Even losing a bad habit can feel like a loss for a while, and it takes time to adjust to things. When the person you love changes, you might change as well, whether there’s a breakup involved or he suddenly proposes when he’s never been the committed type.
  4. Your love can grow even stronger. You thought you loved him before, and then he became an even better man, and your loves goes a level deeper than you’ve experienced before. You didn’t think it was possible and you never wanted to change him, but now that it’s happened, things are amazing in a whole other way.
  5. You feel betrayed in many ways. Some change is exposed in the form of shocking bad news, which can feel like a stab in the the back from the person that you trusted the most. Even if these changes have nothing to do with you, it’s hard not to take it personally when it affects your relationship.
  6. You wonder why you didn’t see it coming. In retrospect, you may have noticed a few changes here and there, but then suddenly it was like you were looking at an entirely new person. Were you just not paying attention, or did this literally happen overnight?
  7. You feel insecure. When the change is a wonderful one, suddenly he’s that much more amazing, and you start to wonder if he’ll even want to stay with you. If it’s for the worse, you wonder what you did wrong to make this happen. It’s a no-win situation.
  8. You get angry. Suddenly he’s different and you wish you could have at least been a part of the change, or felt like a positive conduit for it. Instead, you were shut out and it pisses you off.
  9. You get really excited. When his changes affect you, as well, it means new experiences, which can be a really exciting life place to be in. Maybe he’s got a new career or is finally ready to quit his job so you can go traveling. Suddenly, your whole world opens up and you’re excited to see where the future takes you.
  10. You question your trust gauges. You feel like you should have known that he would be the type of person to grow and change so dramatically, even though you could have never anticipated how. You’re certain you’re too trusting, and you chastise yourself because you should have known better.
  11. You wonder if it was worth it at all. If you’re super thrown off by the new person he’s become, you might feel like you were just wasting time being there to begin with. What was the point if the man you fell in love with doesn’t exist anymore?
  12. Your life suddenly changes direction. You’ve seen a lot of people go through sudden, drastic changes to their life direction and always sort of wondered how that occurred. Now you know.
  13. You feel grateful. Things usually change for the better, so you’re grateful you experienced this one now, so you can keep moving into the next phase of your life.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com