I know that there are so many unspoken rules of texting nowadays that it’s hard to figure out whether “LOL” is in or out of fashion. I would hazard a guess at the latter, but does that stop me from ending every text with those three little letters? Nope, lol. Anyhow, if you’re feeling like your text game similarly needs revamping, then do read on to figure out the dos and don’ts of texting your crush. Here’s what not to text a guy under any circumstances if you want your relationship to continue.
- “Why don’t you like me?” This is a whiney text. I know you should be able to be vulnerable with your partner, but this isn’t that. Expressing your vulnerabilities is one thing, but dumping them with your every insecurity is selfish. You have to overcome some things yourself. A relationship is a mutual opportunity to grow, not just an emotional crutch that you lean on all the time. Be more independent, and unpack why you demand constant validation. Figure out what it is that you want to hear from your guy, and find out how to more productively engage with those questions. Love isn’t demanded it should be given freely.
- “You can’t see your friends anymore.” If you’re the more controlling person in a relationship, take a seat. You aren’t owed every minute of your partners’ time just because you’re together. Make sure you both have space and time apart. You will find new ways to enrich yourselves with other people. It will take the pressure off the relationship and make you more well-rounded. Never insist that people have to be cut out of your partner’s life. That’s not love.
- “You’re wearing that?” If the guys aren’t allowed to say it to us, we certainly can’t say it to them. Don’t be the judgy person in the relationship. It should be a safe space for you to explore your identities. Some things will be home runs, others will never be spoken off again. Remember fedoras, anyone? Either way, support each other, don’t tear your partner down. They won’t feel safe to experiment again.
- “Stop talking to that girl.” Never let your jealousy determine your partner’s life. Overcome it together, without ultimatums. Find out what would make you feel comfortable, but also reflect on what part of their behavior makes you feel vulnerable. This is a trust issue. Find out where the lack of trust is manifesting. These problems can be negotiated if you communicate honestly, but never send a text with such a baseless ultimatum. Respect your partner.
- “Why haven’t you liked my Instagram?” This might seem shallow to some, but the shallowness isn’t the issue. It’s more that it speaks to a culture in which boyfriends are treated as having only one function: validating you. Other nameless figures on Instagram can provide you with that form of validation, but your boyfriend should be more than that. Deep, feeling love transcends social media metrics. They’re still important, valid things that are inescapably part of modern life, but try to step away from your phone. See what’s right in front of you.
- “Your friends are boring.” If someone cares about you enough to put their life on the line and introduce you to the people who are important to them, respect that. Be careful with their heart, don’t give it right back to them in a criticism of the people they love the most. You won’t get invited back, and you can only make that mistake once. Ask yourself: did you ever ask them a personal question or just interrupt constantly and talk about yourself? Make connections.
- “You’ve put on weight.” What a horrific thing to tell someone. Commenting on people’s bodies and personal appearances is a tricky line to cross, particularly when you’re going out with someone. But, just because you’ve seen their body naked a few times, doesn’t give you license to say what you want about it. It’s not different just because it’s you saying it. If you’re saying that and thinking that you have a claim on their body, you have the wrong mindset.
- Quintuple texting. A few texts here and there are to be expected. Indeed, there’s nothing wrong with a few double or triple texts. But if someone is communicating that they need space and you’re ignoring that, try to read the room. Be compassionate to their needs and boundaries. You don’t know them better than they know themselves.
Basically, as long as you’re a compassionate, committed person, texting shouldn’t pose a big issue in a relationship. However, if you have picked up some bad habits and haven’t addressed some underlying issues, they will present themselves in your texts. Keep an eye out.
