How Women Who Have Been Single For A Long Time Date Differently

If you’re a woman who’s been single for a long time, it definitely changes how you approach the dating scene. For you, the transition from being completely independent to having someone around is a huge adjustment. You become a harder nut to crack, so to speak. But, once someone takes the time to figure you out, they’ll realize how amazing you are. Here’s how dating is a different experience in the meantime.

  1. You’re used to alone time. You completely embraced the act of being alone long ago. As such, you’re used to heading to weddings and parties on your own and handling your own business. When you start dating someone, it’s jarring. You suddenly have someone to do stuff with and that’s weird. At first, you might choose to continue rolling solo. You get the urge to hole up in your apartment with Netflix even though you could be spending time with someone else. You need a gradual transition to coupledom. So, whoever you date will need to be patient.
  2. You have protective walls in place. You’ve been hurt before, which is maybe why you spend so much time on your own. You’re in tune with what you want and need in a partner, which is good. It means you select partners carefully. You also keep certain entrance points to your heart protected until you know you can completely trust that the person’s intentions are good and pure.
  3. You want to be vulnerable, but it takes a little more time. If you’re dating someone, it’s because you really like them. You just don’t show it easily, which can be tough. It’s not that you’re not demonstrative. But, you want to be completely sure before you let yourself fall. You take your time getting to know someone before diving in. You’re looking for a long-lasting bond, and you refuse to sacrifice all the work you’ve done on yourself to achieve it.
  4. You’re incredibly strong. You’re the definition of Miss Independent. You learned long ago to love your own company. Because of this, you’re strong in a way that can be intimidating. Partners may wonder if you want them around or why you’re dating them at all. Incidentally, this is why you make a great girlfriend. You want to date someone despite having an amazing solo life.
  5. You can come off as a bit aloof. You might not say overly flirty things in the beginning or be very affectionate. That’s because you want to figure out if it’s safe to do so. You’re no stranger to being let down and disappointed in love. So, you need to sort your head out before you let someone in. If they’re patient and show they can be trusted, they’ll be fine. When you actually open your heart, it’s open completely.
  6. You’re scared. Sometimes you’re apprehensive and push people away because you fear losing control. Your control is your security, and that’s frightening. Keeping your emotions in check is all you know. So, when you start feeling real feelings, it catches you off guard. It can make you feel like you need to retreat temporarily to regain control. It’s not personal and you always come back.
  7. You’re not used to help, but you eventually embrace it. If they offer their help and you decline, they can start to feel useless. It’s not intentional, of course. You’re just used to doing everything you need with your own two hands. Eventually, you do start to let your partner take care of you. They just need to wait you out.
  8. You don’t need someone, you choose them. Despite being okay on your own and happy with your life, you choose to take a chance on someone new. It’s the purest form of affection and desire. That’s because you definitely don’t need a partner but you picked them anyway. You spent the time getting to know what you want. If they’re the lucky one you pick, you know they’re a keeper.

Why being single for a long time is totally normal

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  1. Women have access to better messages and role models. Back in the day, being single for a long time was much more taboo than it is now. Part of the reason is women have access to much better messages about equality and more female role models now. Though there’s still a long way to go, many women generally understand they don’t have to get married to survive. They don’t have to get married to be worth something. These days, getting into a relationship is more about finding love than securing financial stability. So it’s okay to take your time.
  2. Breakups take time to get over. Another reason why it’s normal and okay to be single for a long time is breakups can be traumatic and take a while to get over. Many people stay single for months or more because they’re not over their ex. They’re not over what happened. And as long as they’re still holding onto some emotion, they don’t want to move on. Which is totally fine!
  3. Other life goals are important too. Some people stay single for long periods of time because they prioritize their other life goals over having a relationship. Career ambitions and bucket list items tend to require a lot of time, sacrifice, and dedication. It can be difficult to concentrate on those when you’re focused on a partner, so many choose to go without a partner until they reach certain milestones. That’s okay too!
  4. Dating is fun (and hard). One of the reasons why so many people stay single is because of the nature of modern dating. For starters, modern dating can be a lot of fun. Thanks to dating apps, you can meet people from all walks of life at the swipe of your thumb. A lot of people don’t want to give up that fun and freedom. The downside to modern dating is, with so much competition, it’s also more difficult to find love. Whether you’re finding it hard to find someone decent, or you don’t want to stop dating, these are two valid reasons for staying single.
  5. The pandemic definitely made it harder to find love. Can we acknowledge how tricky the COVID-19 pandemic made finding love for the past two years? With restrictions, lockdowns, social distancing, and general anxiety, it wasn’t exactly the best environment to fall in love. If you’ve wanted to find someone but are staying single for longer than you hoped you might, it’s okay. Things are finally starting to get back to some semblance of normal, which is good.
  6. Being alone doesn’t equate to being lonely. You can be single for a long time without being lonely. A lot of single people have active social lives, lots of friends, and close families. So they don’t feel the need to get into a relationship just to have someone there. They’ve already got lots of people there! It’s okay and normal to be single for extended periods because that doesn’t equate to being lonely for extended periods.
  7. There’s no right timeline. There is no ideal timeline along which you have to live your life. It’s normal to be single for weeks, months, and years. Everybody’s idea of normal is different and there’s no one right answer. Try not to compare your situation to someone else’s and try to gather whether that makes you normal or not. Your timeline is right for you and that’s that.
  8. It’s okay to enjoy your freedom. Contrary to popular belief, a lot of people actually enjoy being single. They love the freedom that comes with it, along with the lack of stress. It’s liberating not to have to worry about a partner or maintain a relationship. Enjoying that freedom is okay, which is why there’s nothing wrong with you if you choose to be single for a long time. If you’re happy being by yourself and love your single lifestyle, all the power to you!

Ways rolling solo improves your life (even if it doesn’t seem like it right now)

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  1. You make yourself happy. When you’re on your own, you learn how to make yourself happy and entertain yourself. If that means curling up with a book all day or learning a new hobby, you know where to find happiness without needing someone to point you in its direction. Best of all, this happiness is always available to you because you’ve made it happen.
  2. You’re not just OK with being alone, you actually love it. Alone doesn’t mean lonely. You have a full, satisfying life and if it happens that you don’t meet a great guy, you’re not going to have any less of a life. Besides, you’re not really alone — just one call and you can be surrounded by awesome friends and loved ones if you want.
  3. You become way more adventurous. So many women are out there losing themselves in relationships because they don’t have a strong knowledge of themselves. When you get to spend lots of time as a singleton, you learn loads about yourself that makes you stronger. You also discover things about yourself you didn’t realize but which enrich you — you’re a whole planet to explore and this is an adventure all those taken girls are missing.
  4. You get crap done. When there’s no guy around to help you change a tire or pitch a tent, you learn how to do all that stuff yourself. It’s empowering to be able to sort things out, even if it means heading over to Google for some nifty instructions.  
  5. You have more to give a future boyfriend. When you’ve been on your own for a long time and you’ve used that time to work on yourself, grow, ditch emotional baggage and become self-sufficient, this makes you a more well-rounded and kick-ass confident partner to some lucky guy in the future.
  6. You don’t compromise yourself for a relationship. You’re single for ages when a great guy rocks up. By having the strong foundation of singlehood behind you, which includes knowing what you’re about and what you don’t want, you won’t let a guy steer you away from all that makes you wonderful. That means that although you’re eager to compromise in a relationship when it’s required, your self-worth is never on the table because you’ve worked so hard on it.
  7. You know better than to settle. When you flourish as a fab single woman, you don’t allow bad relationships to last or waste your time. You know that you can make it on your own quite happily and that’s a great feeling. If someone’s not adding to your life, then they’re out of the picture.
  8. You don’t make finding The One a priority. When you’re hitting the town with your friends, your focus is on having fun, not screening the club or bar for potential boyfriends. This takes the pressure off finding The One and allows you to enjoy your life. You know that any sexy, amazing guy you meet is just an extra slice of pie, but not the whole pie. You’re the complete pie on your own and that’s kick-ass.