I have used the cliche phrase, ”it’s not you, it’s me” before dodging a serious relationship more times than I would like to admit. Every situation is unique, but I’ve realized that there are quite a few contributing factors as to why I run when it’s approaching the time in a relationship to have “The Talk.”
I’m afraid of settling. Too many people are complacent these days. Whether it’s because their career is secure or because they don’t believe that they’re capable of reaching a greater goal and they talk themselves into thinking mediocrity is sufficient, I don’t want that life — and I certainly don’t want it in a relationship. That fear has caused me to flee from potential love before giving it a solid chance on more than one occasion.
I can’t take the pressure. Finding the right time to put a label on a relationship is so overwhelming. If we’ve been dating for a few months but haven’t committed to anything more than casual dating, there’s a reason – whether we’ve talked about it or not. I’m happy to talk about it, but please don’t pressure me to make a decision or give me ultimatums. If we’re not on the same page, I’m already cracking under the pressure.
I don’t feel deserving. It sounds harsh, but if I’m being honest, it’s the truth. Essentially, I know that everyone is deserving of love, but I occasionally I doubt that it’s true for me for reasons I can’t explain. This usually messes things up for me because I know that it’s all in my head, but sometimes I run from the situation before I’m able to bring myself back down to reality.
I don’t want to lose myself. Every healthy relationship requires a solid balance of give and take. When you start dating someone new, you spend time doing things that they enjoy, as well. This is great… until you get so into your S.O. that you forget that you love country music just as much as he loves rock ‘n’ roll. I’ve spent the past four years of my singleness rediscovering myself. I’ve reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and acquired passions I never knew I had — and I’m not ready to sacrifice any part of myself just yet!
I always start overthinking. I get inside of my own head on a daily basis in general, and when it comes to relationships, it’s even more frustrating than usual. I’ve been in a situation where I have been dating a great guy and it almost feels too good to be true. Is it my intuition kicking in that something isn’t right or am I completely overthinking everything? If I can’t stop overanalyzing every conversation or possible red flag then it’s difficult and unfair to move forward.
I don’t trust you. This statement hurts because it’s a key building block in the foundation of a relationship, and if it’s not there, then there’s no future for us. There might have been a specific situation that triggered this feeling, or maybe I’m struggling to develop trust with you for reasons all my own. Either way, I can’t be serious with someone that I don’t trust.
I don’t want to mess it up and I inevitably will. I have a bad habit of sabotaging my relationships right when they’re about to get serious because I’ve been single for so long that I’m fearful I will do something to mess it up. I know that it’s not the healthiest way of thinking, but it’s the truth. The fear of failure can be mentally paralyzing, not to mention a totally self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel uncomfortable. I know that relationships require some level of adapting and stepping outside of my comfort zone at times. Admittedly, I’m so accustomed to being independent that when a guy starts cooking meals for me or constantly singing my praises, I tend to get uncomfortable. If I can’t take a deep breath and relax after a certain amount of time, then it gets exhausting to pretend and I’d rather just move on.
I’m still healing from past heartbreaks. Every now and then I’ll think I’m ready for something serious, but soon thereafter, I’ll discover a piece of me that’s still broken from my past. In this situation, it really isn’t you, it’s me. That scar might be just enough at the time to cause me to exit the relationship and seek further healing.
I know that you’re not “The One.” My dating life has gotten to the point where I really don’t want to waste my time being exclusive someone that I don’t see a future with. If it’s about to get serious and I don’t see the relationship progressing, even if you do, I’m out. After all, that’s the point of dating, right? The truth is, if I was ready to get serious with the right person, it wouldn’t matter what excuse I could conjure up because I know that I wouldn’t want to run.
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