Jealousy happens to a degree in every relationship, and this is particularly true if your boyfriend has an ex who’s still in his life. While it’s not unusual for people to be friends with their exes and that alone isn’t enough of a reason to be suspicious, there are situations in which things get a little shady. Here are a few reasons you might raise an eyebrow at your guy’s connection with his former partner.
- Your boyfriend brings up his ex unprompted. Whenever you and your boyfriend discuss his ex, you should make note of who brought her up. There aren’t many reasons a guy would start talking about his ex out of the blue. If he does, it’s a signal that she’s on his mind. This is a potential sign that he has unresolved feelings for her.
- He regularly defends his ex. It’s fine for your boyfriend to be friendly with his ex, but he shouldn’t defend or justify everything she does, especially if you think she did something wrong. It’s reasonable to become suspicious when he tries to rationalize everything she does. If you make it clear that you have a different perspective and he’s still on her side, that could be a problem.
- You don’t know why they broke up. At some point in every serious relationship, couples tend to talk about why their last relationship ended. If he’s still in contact with his ex, you should absolutely know why they broke up. Clearly, this is a pertinent detail if two people have remained friends after the fact. If he’s trying to hide why they’re no longer together, there could be something fishy going on.
- He’s too sentimental about his ex. In theory, it’s not the worst thing for a guy to be sentimental — let’s face it, most of us aren’t that in touch with our feelings — but it can also be a red flag if he’s too attached to the memories he has with his last partner. In other words, he shouldn’t have a treasure trove of photos and memorabilia related to the relationship. This is an obvious sign that he isn’t over her and hasn’t moved on. If he’s still in contact with her, it makes sense that you would be suspicious that he’d get back together in a heartbeat.
- They hang out alone. If you and your boyfriend hang out with his ex alone, that’s usually fine. It may not be ideal, but if they’ve remained friends, you shouldn’t stand in the way or become suspicious. However, you might start to question things if they insist on hanging out alone without you. That makes it seem like they’re trying to exclude you or keeping secrets. If there’s no explanation for why they need to hang out alone, there are a few questions that need answering.
- They speak/hang out a little too often. It’s one thing to remain friends with an ex, but it’s another thing to talk every day or hang out every weekend. I mean, that’s what you would expect of a dating couple, right? We all know there are boundaries when it comes to this arrangement, especially when one of those people is in a new relationship. If they’re together or chatting 24/7, it’s like they’re still together, and that’s not right.
- He compares you to his ex. I know that guys hate being compared to women’s exes, so we should know better than to do this to you. If your boyfriend does that to you, there’s reason to be concerned. Odds are that the comparison is meant to flatter her. If nothing else, that’s a little disrespectful. It also hints at unresolved feelings, which is reason to be a little suspicious.
- His ex is cold to you. This is probably the biggest reason to be suspicious of your boyfriend’s ex. Of course, it’s natural for you to be jealous when he still has a relationship with her of any sort. That’s why his ex should recognize this and make some effort to put you at ease that she’s not scheming to get him back. If she’s cold and distant to you, it means she doesn’t care if your relationship with him fails. This could be because she wants to get back together with your boyfriend, which is a major red flag.