Why Do Guys Flirt When They’re In A Relationship?

Why Do Guys Flirt When They’re In A Relationship?

When you’re coupled up with a guy, your attention is solely on him. Once you become exclusive, you simply don’t have eyes for other people. You want to focus on one person, the one right in front of you, and you’d never dream of entertaining other people. Sadly, a lot of men don’t seem to feel the same. Many of them see no qualms with chatting up other women wherever they go. So, why do guys flirt when they’re in a relationship? Sadly, the answers probably won’t surprise you.

Why do guys flirt when they’re in a relationship?

  1. They’re not happy with their girlfriends. It goes without saying that if a man is in a happy, fulfilling relationship, he has no reason to even look at other women, let alone flirt with them. That doesn’t mean that his girlfriend is doing something wrong or is in some way lacking. It could just be that he’s a commitmentphobe who hates being in relationships. Either way, that’s not your problem.
  2. They think you’re hot. I mean, they’re not wrong. Guys who flirt when in a relationship often do so because they see something they like. To be fair to you, you’re definitely a catch. Maybe this dude just recognizes a prize piece when he sees one and can’t help himself. That doesn’t make it right (or very nice for his girlfriend), of course.
  3. They’re naturally flirty people. Some people are just natural flirts. It’s in their personality to be that way with pretty much everyone they meet. Hell, they’d probably flirt with an inanimate object if they could. That doesn’t mean you’re not great, but it may not be about you. They might just be indulging their innate qualities.
  4. They’re hoping for a hookup. This sucks but it’s pretty common. Guys who flirt while in a relationship are often looking for a one-night stand. By flirting, they’re hoping you’ll pick up on what they’re putting down and be in for some no strings attached fun. Please don’t fall for this. (Of course, it goes without saying that if they lie about being single, this is not your fault.)
  5. They’re in an open relationship. These days, ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, and open relationships are all the rage. Even if they’re in a relationship, some guys see no harm in flirting because their girlfriends don’t. It’s understood that they’re allowed to sleep with other people, so they’re going to take advantage of that.
  6. They’re bored and have nothing better to do. In this case, there’s usually not much behind the flirting. It’s simply a way to pass the time for these guys. It’s harmless fun in their eyes. Hopefully, you feel the same and don’t take them seriously!
  7. They’re not flirting — you’re misreading them. You’re pretty smart, so the idea that you could be taking guys wrong is a hard pill to swallow. However, sometimes guys aren’t flirting, they literally are just being nice. It’s rare, but it does happen.
  8. They don’t even realize they’re doing it. How can people be so clueless? It’s hard to believe that men have no idea how suggestive they’re being, but some of them legitimately don’t. Self-awareness isn’t high on their list of qualities, so they could be blissfully ignorant of their own actions.
  9. They’re missing their single days. It’s not that they’re unhappy in their relationships, they just miss who they were when they were unattached and free to play the field. Flirting with other women gives them a small taste of their old selves and it’s irresistible.
  10. They’re looking for an ego boost. Having a woman fawning all over them feels nice. It makes them feel manly and desirable and that’s pretty addicting. Why their girlfriends aren’t enough is anyone’s guess.

What to do when a guy who has a girlfriend flirts with you

  1. Refrain from flirting back. If you know he’s already spoken for but he’s flirting anyway, do yourself (and his girlfriend) a favor and don’t flirt back. Even if he’s really cute, you get along great, and you’re kinda lonely. It’s disrespectful to yourself and his current partner. Plus, it’s a total waste of time because it’s never going to go anywhere.
  2. Put the kibosh on the situation. Shut it down ASAP. If you were getting a little too cozy with him, snap yourself back to reality and get out. End the conversation, leave the bar, whatever. He can’t flirt with you if you’re no longer there, right?
  3. Let him know you’re not interested in a taken man. Sure, this is pretty direct, but sometimes that’s what it takes. Maybe he thinks he’s being slick by flirting with you even though he’s coupled up. Call him out on his bad behavior! Let him know you’re a woman with standards and you’re not interested in men with girlfriends. Hopefully, he doesn’t repeat the behavior with anyone else. (Sadly, he probably will.)

But wait — isn’t flirting kinda harmless?

For many people, guys flirting with other women despite being in relationships is no big deal. If they’re not making physical contact with them or sleeping with them, it’s not cheating, right? Maybe for some people. What constitutes being unfaithful depends on the person, and that’s fair enough. However, it’s a little bit of an insult to you for a guy to be flirting even though he knows he’ll never be your boyfriend (and doesn’t want to anyway). Do yourself a favor and don’t even entertain this.

Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love.