Why Do Guys Flirt When They’re Not Interested?

You’re chatting to a guy at the bar or gym and getting along well. He’s clearly flirting with you, which is both flattering and kind of exciting. You’re single and definitely ready to mingle. However, when you try to move things forward, he’s suddenly not feeling it. What the hell? Why do guys flirt if they’re not actually interested in you?

The truth is that there are a million different reasons this happens. It’s hard to know a man’s motivations for displaying interest he doesn’t actually have. However, by being aware of the possibilities, you might feel a little more enlightened (though not less frustrated).

Why do guys flirt if they’re not interested?

1. He doesn’t realize he’s flirting. Yes, this does actually happen. As silly as it sounds, he could just be a naturally flirty person and therefore doesn’t realize his behavior is out of the norm. Obnoxious but true.
2. He got in a fight with his girlfriend. If he’s already in a relationship but not on good terms with his girlfriend right now, it’s possible that he’s using flirting with you as a way to blow off steam and get back at her. Obviously, you don’t want to be a part of that. Doesn’t stop him from doing it, though.
3. He’s practicing his flirting skills. If he’s young or inexperienced in dating, he might feel like he sucks at flirting and wants to get better. Even if he’s not into you, he might use you as practice to up his skills for when he does meet someone he really likes. Thanks a lot, dude.
4. He doesn’t know how he feels. It’s not that he’s not into you, but he’s not sure that he is, either. He’s flirting because you’ve piqued his interest, he just doesn’t know how deep that interest goes. You have better things to do to wait around while he figures it out.
5. He’s a natural flirt. He’s totally aware that he’s flirting, he just doesn’t see a problem with it. It’s his personality and he doesn’t think he should have to change that for anyone. He’s just being his authentic self, right?
6. He’s bored. Sadly, guys flirt when they’re not interested sometimes because they have nothing better to do. Maybe this dude is bored and wants to pass the time. You’re there, so flirting with you gives him something to do to break up the monotony. It’s offensive and inappropriate, not to mention a waste of time.
7. He likes playing games. There’s always the possibility that he’s a real douche who’s messing with you on purpose. He knows it’s hurtful and that he doesn’t actually like you, but he gets off on messing with women’s minds. Great.
8. He sees it as harmless fun. Some people don’t think flirting is really a big deal. It’s fun and there are no strings attached, so they don’t take it seriously. They don’t think you should either. He might just be enjoying himself and won’t understand why you’re not.
9. He likes being single but he’s lonely. He has no intention of dating you or anyone. However, he has to admit he feels pretty lonely on his own. By flirting with you, he can scratch the itch in a way without actually having to put in any effort.
10. He thinks you’re flirting and is trying to be polite. Have you been putting out flirty vibes? Maybe he picked up on them and thought it would be rude not to reciprocate. He doesn’t expect it to lead to anything, so he doesn’t seem the harm in playing along.
11. He wants the ego stroke. Guys sometimes flirt with women they’re not interested in when they’re selfish attention seekers who need their egos stroked. By you flirting with him, you make him feel like he’s desirable. His motivations here are purely selfish and you’re being used.
12. He’s trying to make another girl jealous. It’s not you he’s into, but she might be in the same place. So, he flirts with you hoping she’ll see and suddenly want him more. If this sounds like high school-level drama, you’re right. However, it still happens with grown men.
13. He’s being a wingman for a friend. Maybe his friend likes you, not him. However, the friend is too shy to approach you, so he’s trying to butter you up for him. It’s a little bit weird and kinda misleading. Why doesn’t the man who is into you speak up?
14. He likes you but lacks experience. Sometimes guys are interested in a woman, but the best they can do is flirt because they’re terrified of going further. This is often due to a lack of dating or relationship experience. They’re nervous, so they like to play it safe. Sadly, they’re going to be alone forever if they don’t get over their fears.
15. He’s hoping to get laid. You probably already considered this one, and it’s incredibly common. He’s interested in getting you into bed, so he flirts with you and flatters you, thinking it will lead you there. He thinks if he says all the right things and acts like he cares, you’ll be stupid enough to fall for it and get naked with him. Don’t do it!
16. He is interested but he’s already taken. Just because he can’t be in a relationship with you doesn’t mean he’s not interested. Maybe he already has a girlfriend. Of course, the fact that he’s flirting with you doesn’t bode well for that partnership… but that’s not your problem.
17. He’s trying to figure out if you like him. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all just communicate like adults? Sadly, this doesn’t always happen. Sometimes guys flirt because they want to know if you’re interested in them. Only when they get an indication that you’d be open to it will they actually make a move. Ugh, annoying.
18. He wants to make you feel good about yourself. On the surface, this sounds sweet. He wants to boost your ego and make you feel hot. However, if he legitimately felt that way, why isn’t he actually interested in you? It makes no sense!

How to know if there’s anything behind a guy’s flirting

1. He actually asks for your number. It goes beyond flirting if he actually wants to follow up in future conversations. If he ends your chat by asking for your number — and he actually ends up using it! — it’s clear he was being genuine with you. He’s interested in getting to know you on a deeper level, and that’s exciting.
2. He asks you on a date. It goes without saying that if he actually wants to go out with you, that flirting had a purpose. This is especially true if he plans the date pretty quickly after you first meet. He doesn’t want to waste time or risk losing you to someone else. He realizes what a prize you are and wouldn’t want to miss out.
3. He’s interested in getting to know you. When guys flirt when they’re not interested in you, the conversation is always surface-level. They might compliment you on your appearance or ask questions about your favorite drink or whatever, but they don’t really care about you. If a guy is asking about what you do, what you like, and what makes you tick, he clearly likes you as a person (or thinks he might).
4. His compliments are about more than your physical appearance. It’s nice to be told you’re hot, but you have way more important qualities than your physical beauty. It’s so much more meaningful to be applauded for your intelligence or charisma than it is to be told you have a nice butt. If he goes beyond skin deep, he’s likely being genuine.
5. He takes the initiative. Someone who flirts without real interest isn’t going to take the reins when it comes to communication. They’ll put in zero effort because they don’t really care if your conversations continue. If he reaches out first, take that as a positive sign.

What to do if you think he’s wasting your time

This one is simple. If you get the feeling that he’s not being genuine or that he has ulterior motives, don’t waste your time. While there’s always a chance you could be looking at things too cynically, your gut knows what’s up. If it’s screaming at you that something isn’t right, it probably isn’t. (And even if it is kosher, if you don’t feel comfortable, it’s pointless anyway.)