Why Do Guys Lose Interest As Soon As You Show Yours?

I’m just going to say it: guys are weird. One of the most frustrating things they do is make it obvious that they’re interested in you and then once you reciprocate the feelings, they start to give you the shaft. What’s up with that? As odd and out of nowhere as it might seem, there might be an actual reason the man in your life does this to you. Here are a few things that could’ve caused him to pump the breaks so suddenly.

  1. He’s insecure. Men have insecurities just like women, and when he realizes that you like him back, he might totally clam up because he’s nervous about what you’ll expect him to do next. He might feel afraid to ask you out or make another move because he’s worried he’ll do or say the wrong thing. Or, maybe he’s questioning if he’s even in your league at all. Do what you can to reassure him that you really like him and that he doesn’t need to feel nervous.
  2. He doesn’t like you like that. It sucks but it might be true. He may have been flirting and showing interest in you as a distraction or because he was just having fun without any intention of taking it further. If you start to show interest in him, it could tip him off that he’s getting in too deep which could cause him to back off. He might be a jerk, yes, but he might also be looking out for your feelings. He might be wanting to spare you from getting hurt due to unrequited love. Try not to let it get you down and find someone else. On to the next one!
  3. You came on too strong. I know this idea seems ridiculous considering that he was the one showing interest in the first place, but guys can be easily scared away by the idea of commitment. It’s possible that when you decided to show him that your feelings matched his, you came off a little too intense for his liking. When you’re still in the beginning stages, try to play it as cool as possible. Let him know that you like him but still make him work for it and chase you. It’ll keep him coming back for more and will hand all the power over to you.
  4. He’s getting over something serious. Rebounds are what a lot of people use to help them recover from painful breakups. There’s a chance that this guy was flirting with you as a way to ease the blow of getting over a serious relationship that may have just ended. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t actually like you, but the minute you started to show some interest back, it may have made it feel too real for him. He might just need a little more time before he’s ready to jump back into the dating game again.
  5. He’s just a player. Let’s face it, some guys are just total players who think everything’s a game. They consider going after a girl, especially one who’s playing hard to get, as a challenge that they need to dominate. That’s why when you’re playing it coy, he’s pulling out all the stops to win you over. Once you start to fall for his charms, he thinks he’s won the game and he’s suddenly bored. Don’t waste your time being upset over a guy like that. He’s not worth your tears. There’s someone out there who will do everything he can to win you over then do everything he can to keep you once he has you.
  6. He’s not looking for a relationship. Just because he has feelings for you doesn’t mean that he necessarily wants to be in a relationship in the here and now. When he starts to realize that you have feelings for him too, he might start to be afraid of what comes after that. When two people declare their affection for one another, it’s only a matter of time before someone wants to take it to the next level. He might not be a relationship guy or the timing might just be off. Whatever the reason is, just trust the process and let things happen as they may. If it’s meant to be, everything will work out.
  7. The mystery is gone. Another thing most men love is a little intrigue. When a woman plays hard to get or they’re unsure of her feelings for them, it makes the process fun and exciting. You’re like a code they have to crack and they just want to know more and more. Unfortunately, that can mean that as soon as you’ve told them what they were curious about and showed your interest, the mystery has been solved and they’re less interested. Try to let him know that there’s more to that he doesn’t know about. If he still seems uninterested, forget him.
  8. He’s not on your level yet. When you start to develop feelings for someone else, you naturally start to share more about yourself with them. You might start to divulge very personal and deep things with them and it might freak them out a little. You’re strong, independent, and fearless and he just might not be ready for a woman as fierce as you. You need to find someone who’s vibrating on the same frequency as you are and who’s going to stimulate you intellectually and be able to keep up with you. He might just have more growing up to do.
Shelby is a journalist and fiction writer raised in the South but built for the big city. She's a book nerd (well, an overall nerd, honestly) and coffee addict and obsessed with all things leather and lacy.

She has a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication and Media Studies from Sam Houston State University and worked for her university newspaper, The Houstonian, as well as serving as a producer and part-time entertainment anchor for Cable 7 Huntsville. You can follow her on Twitter @shelby777.