Why Do Guys Never Want A Relationship With Me? I’m Pretty Damn Great

I’ve spent a lot of years becoming the best version of myself — a life-long work in progress, obviously — and I can safely say that I’m pretty amazing. I know how many great qualities I have that make me not only a badass woman but an incredible girlfriend. Sadly, it seems like men don’t really see it. I’m basically the ideal woman, so why do guys never want a relationship with me?

  1. I give guys their independence. I’m not someone who freaks out whenever a guy I’m dating wants to go out with his friends or when he ditches me to play video games all night. I don’t get uptight when I don’t see him for a few days or accuse him of not liking me/wanting to hang out with me. I get that guys need time to do their own thing and that they feel easily smothered, so I make room for that. Despite this being a big source of tension for many couples, my laid-back approach still never translates to guys deciding they want a relationship with me.
  2. I have my own life. I’d like a boyfriend but I definitely don’t need one. I have a lot going on in my life. When I’m not bossing it at work, I’ve got a side hustle going on, I like hitting the gym, I hang out with my girls, and I like a bit of self-care. I would never get into a co-dependent relationship, no matter how much I liked the guy. Many women like to be attached at the hip with their partners. I’m not one of them.
  3. I’m great in bed. I’m not even going to shy away from saying this. I’m pretty experienced sexually and I know not only what I like and what I don’t, but how to please a man. I don’t have too many hang-ups about my body that make me feel self-conscious or shy away from certain positions. I’m adventurous, experimental, and have a pretty high libido. You’d think guys would be beating down the door because they want a relationship with me, but it never happens.
  4. I’m all about making him feel special. I’m not here to be treated like a queen 24/7 while cooling my heels and doing nothing. I’m aware that relationships are about both people, not just me. I want to make the guy in my life feel just as special as he makes me feel. That means I’ll go out of the way to bring him little gifts, offer romantic gestures, give him genuine compliments, and just let him know that I feel lucky to have him. What guy wouldn’t like that?
  5. I don’t get jealous for no reason. A bit of jealousy is normal and healthy, but in excess, it can seriously destroy a relationship. I’ve definitely been there, done that with the green-eyed monster but I’ve learned my lesson. I don’t automatically assume a guy is cheating if he dares to talk to another woman in my presence. I don’t worry that he’s sleeping with his ex if she dares to leave a comment on his latest Instagram post. As long as he remains respectful and loyal, we don’t have anything to worry about.
  6. I don’t flirt with other guys when I’m in a relationship. This is just disrespectful. A lot of women seem to think that this is the way to get a guy to be more into her. They’re wrong (and they’re likely toxic). If I’m with a guy, I’m not interested in entertaining attention from other men. I’m not rude in shutting them down, but I do let them know there’s a line they shouldn’t cross.
  7. I’m smart as hell. I have a master’s degree and am working on my Ph.D. I’m well-read, curious about the world around me, and always seeking to learn new things. I don’t believe in being ignorant about anything in life, so I’m like a sponge for knowledge about the most random things. I still have so much to learn in life, as we all do, but you can never accuse me of being dumb, that’s for sure.
  8. I’m hilarious. A good sense of humor is probably my #1 must-have quality when it comes to guys. I just find it so attractive, especially because life without laughter is boring as hell. I’m goofy and I’m not afraid to be silly. I also find all kinds of things amusing and love sharing that with the guys I date. I laugh so much with men, but they don’t seem to appreciate the rarity of that at all.
  9. I’m pretty attractive physically too. It sucks that this matters as much as it does, but here we are. I work out regularly, I eat well, and I look after myself. Because of that, the results of my hard work are there on display. I’m not saying I’m Kim Kardashian or whatever, but I am saying that any guy would be pretty proud to have me on his arm. And yet, guys never seem to want a relationship with me (though they’re quite happy to sleep with me!). What the hell?
  10. I have a solid career. I’m not looking for a husband to financially support me so I can stay at home and watch QVC all day or whatever. I work hard to get ahead in my field and make sure I’m creating a solid financial future for myself, relationship or not. A lot of guys find this intimidating, admittedly, and those guys aren’t for me. However, I refuse to believe that there aren’t men out there who find my ambition and achievements sexy as hell. I’ve yet to find one, but I’m sure they exist. Any takers, guys?
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill