Why Do Guys Realize They Want You When It’s Too Late?

Why Do Guys Realize They Want You When It’s Too Late?

There’s a trend in failed relationships that you’ve probably experienced a few times yourself. You put all of your effort into a guy and making things work between you, only for your boyfriend to fail to meet you halfway and in many cases, royally screw things up. You get to the point where you just can’t take any more heartbreak, disappointment, and/or disregard and you end things. You’re ready to be done with him and move on… and then he comes back claiming he can’t live without you. What the hell? Why do guys only realize they want you when it’s too late?

  1. They finally have time to reflect on their own behavior. When you’re in a relationship, there’s not much room for self-reflection or assessment. Once you get rid of them because you literally can’t take it anymore, they suddenly are left with loads of time to actually think about what led to the breakup and what they did wrong. Of course, many guys aren’t emotionally mature enough to get this real with themselves, and that’s when they go out and get drunk and sleep with other women to avoid confronting themselves, so that could end up happening.
  2. They realize you weren’t kidding about not putting up with their crap. Most guys who are terrible partners never have the impetus to get their acts together because they’ve never had to. The women they date just put up with it, make excuses for bad behavior, or believe them when they repeat the same empty lines about how they’ll change. When you follow through with this powerful act of self-preservation by getting rid of them because you know you deserve better, it’s a major wake-up call. They suddenly realize that they can’t get away with being a-holes. This is often enough to make these guys realize they want you despite the fact that it’s way too late.
  3. They can’t bear seeing you with anyone else. Ooh, this one stings. This is one of the biggest reasons guys realize they want you when it’s too late. You’ve done the work to process what went on with this guy and you’ve solidified your boundaries and what you want and don’t want with future boyfriends and you’ve actually found a good one. That’s when your joker of an ex comes sniffing back around. Predictable, right? Guys like this don’t want to put in the work to be good partners, they just don’t like that you’ve moved on and left them in the dust.
  4. They’re lonely and you’re familiar. This one isn’t about you at all but about them. Please never fall for this. When your exes come crawling back around telling you how much they miss you and wish you were still together, what they’re saying is that they’re bored/lonely/horny and you’re familiar. If you give in and sleep with them or even begin dating them again, don’t be surprised when the same stuff that went wrong before happens all over again. It’s pretty much guaranteed.
  5. They want to feel like they still have power. Yep, it’s a power play. Many guys simply don’t want to be the ones to “lose” and will do whatever they can to ensure they come out on top. You might have left them, but by crawling back to you, they want to make sure that you haven’t moved on without them, you still have feelings for them, and they still have some level of control in your life. It’s a mess and it’s really not worth it.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love.