There are so many reasons why your boyfriend might be ignoring you. So many of them won’t even be anything to do with you, and that’s hard to swallow. We all want to find the perfect answer for things so that we can fix them, but that’s not always easy. That said, here are a few reasons why you might not be getting a response from him and what you can do about it.
- He needs space. This is simple. Lots of the time, men won’t have the emotional gamut to feel like they can talk about their feelings. It could be that they’ve been experiencing a really hard week, or can’t escape feelings of being overwhelmed in other respects. That’s a lot to deal with, and a lot to bottle up. If he doesn’t have a way of expressing that – because society hasn’t taught him how to – he might turn inwards. He’ll begin to covet space and you coddling him will not go down well. It’s best to let him take that space and learn how to accommodate him if that’s the case.
- You smother him. This probably happens because you don’t need space like he does. It means that it’s alien to you, and you struggle not to take it personally when he doesn’t want to hang out with you all the time. He probably thinks the opposite. This is why it can be a blessing and a curse to have two different love languages in a relationship. Yes, opposites attract, but they can also cause lots of fundamental frictions. Frictions that involve too much compromise to fix in the long term. Lots of these instances can be fixed, though. Just look at your own behavior and how he responds. Take a step back and learn how to live your life with other people and value your own time.
- He misses his friends. Another reason he might be ignoring you is that he misses his friends. Have you been spending so much time together recently that he hasn’t seen his friends or family? It might be making him feel a little smothered and insular. Remind him that there is life outside of your relationship. Your world should never narrow to the point of a person. That’s not healthy, whether you realize it or not.
- He feels like he can’t be honest with you. Lots of guys have been trained to view emotional displays or confessions as a show of weakness. We know that isn’t the case, but sometimes they can’t take us at our word. Make sure you reassess how you are creating a safe space for him to talk. Don’t dismiss his feelings over yours, or presume that you know better. Let him talk to you and truly listen.
- He’s talking to other women. Maybe, having said all of that, there’s more to it. It’s possible that he’s ignoring you because he’s talking to other women. If you have communicated that your relationship is casual or open, then that’s fine. It might hurt, but he isn’t breaking any rules. However, if you haven’t discussed that and he’s cheating, you need to get to the bottom of it. If he’s bored with you, he needs to grow a pair and just leave or have a big conversation. He shouldn’t string you along. Ask him about it – see if he’s honest with you.
- He’s feeling under pressure. Maybe you have recently stepped things up in your relationship and he doesn’t know how to compute the changes. We all respond to change in different ways. Particularly when our future is involved and at stake. If you think you might be rushing into things, he’s probably thinking those things too. Make sure you have time to talk things through and reconsider.
- He wants to redefine the relationship. It might be that he’s ignoring you because he needs to change. There should always be space in a relationship to redefine its terms. If he wants a break, keep things casual, or heat things up, he should be able to express that. Then you can have those conversations like adults rather than beating around the bush.
- He’s not ignoring you, he’s just busy. It’s so easy to get in your head and take everything your boyfriend does personally when it’s not about you at all. Have you ever considered that perhaps he genuinely has a lot going on at the moment and he’s not ignoring you at all, he’s just tending to all that stuff? Maybe he’s in the midst of a big project at work or he’s helping his roommate with his resume or a million other things. Yes, he should communicate with you what he’s up to, but sometimes stuff comes up and giving you a play-by-play isn’t always going to be his first priority. Take a chill pill.
- Maybe he’s just a jerk. Don’t overthink this one. Get out if it makes you feel unwanted or like you have to force him to pay attention to you. Trust your gut and know that you will never make a decision that you can’t unmake.
So there you have it, a few reasons why your boyfriend might be ignoring you. Some are innocuous and some are more telling. Listen to the signs and act accordingly.
