How He Treats You Is How He Feels About You And Other Harsh Truths You Need To Hear About Love

I’m so sick of hearing all of these lames excuses that people make to justify terrible and completely unacceptable behavior from their partners or people they’re getting to know. It’s 2021, y’all! We’ve been through ENOUGH! Don’t subject yourself to a lousy situation simply because it has “potential” or you “feeling something there.” I guarantee you those are just more excuses you’re making because sticking with something that’s subpar is sometimes easier and less scary than putting yourself out there again and finding something better. Here are some harsh truths about love you need to hear.

  1. A first date will show you who they are within the first five minutes. It’s totally true. They’re late for your first date? Unacceptable. This is the very first time they are meeting you. Barring some nuts and highly unlikely freak accident, if they’re late, they just don’t care. They don’t seem interested in asking you questions about yourself right off the bat? Could they just be nervous? Possibly. Most likely, though, they’re just not into it, which means you shouldn’t be into them. On to the next one!
  2. If a guy likes you, he will make it obvious. Real men don’t play head games. We’re not in high school anymore and no one has time for all of that, “I’m not going to be the first one to text” foolishness. Sure, no one wants to seem overeager or clingy at the beginning of a relationship, but there’s a difference between playing it cool and just not reaching out at all. If a guy is interested in seeing you again, he’s going to try to make plans for the second date pretty immediately. He’s also going to call/text you on a regular basis. He doesn’t want some other guy to swoop in and steal you away. If you’re not hearing from him, he wasn’t feeling you. Don’t torture yourself by waiting by your phone all day and don’t feel bad about yourself. He just wasn’t the one. Move on.
  3. If he treats you like you don’t matter, you don’t matter to him. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a girl say, “He’s just going through a lot right now, that’s why he’s mean.” No. Absolutely not. Regardless of what he’s going through in his life, he should never take his frustrations out on you. The man who really cares about you would never want you to feel belittled or disregarded and if he found out you did, he’d be crushed and immediately do everything he could to make it up to you. If he doesn’t acknowledge your feelings, he just doesn’t care about them.
  4. If he doesn’t fight fair, your relationship will always be in turmoil. I just don’t understand the couples that break up then get back together, then break up again, over and over. Isn’t that exhausting? Fighting is normal. Disagreements are normal. However, if every little obstacle in your relationship turns into one or both of you screaming, name-calling, and storming out, declaring the relationship done, how are you supposed to tackle life’s biggest problems together? Relationships are hard work and they require compromise but you cannot turn on your partner. You have to have each other’s backs and if you can’t, you just weren’t meant to be together.
  5. If he doesn’t want you to meet his family, he doesn’t think you’re long-term. The fact of the matter is that someone who sees you in their life for years to come and wants you to be a part of their life will want to introduce you to their family and closest friends. If they have a good relationship with their family, and if they’re constantly making excuses for why you can’t meet them or are just flat out telling you that you can’t, it’s most likely because they don’t want to introduce someone who won’t be around for long.
  6. If he isn’t romantic at the beginning, he probably won’t ever be. We all wanted to be wooed and won over by the guy we’re dating. Those beginning stages of the relationship are so special and the guy that really likes you is going to want to make sure you know by sending you gifts, calling you daily, and maybe even making a few grand gestures. Every relationship will eventually reach a place where the couple is more comfortable and things seem to tone down a bit. However, true romance never dies. If your guy was never much for romantic acts at the beginning of your relationship, it’s pretty safe to assume that he won’t start the more time passes. That doesn’t mean he’s a terrible partner, and there are definitely other ways to show love, it just might be expecting too much for all of the romance to start years down the line.
  7. If he puts a timetable on proposing, he may just be avoiding it altogether. Getting engaged is a big deal and sure, some couples are together for years before someone pops the question but if you’ve been nagging your guy about putting a ring on it recently and he seems to always have an “ETA” of sorts, it might be a bad sign. If he says things like, “We’ll get engaged when we get a bigger place”, or “It’ll happen in the next year or two,” he might just be for searching for excuses because he doesn’t want to propose to you. If he was ready to get engaged, there would be nothing stopping him from doing it right then and there. If it seems like he’s buying time whenever you bring it up, you might not be on the same page in your relationship.
  8. Red flags exist for a reason. Don’t ignore them. There are a lot of red flags that present themselves very early in relationships but we tend to overlook small ones because we like to give people the benefit of the doubt. While it’s understandable to feel that way, there are just some things that definitely should not be ignored. Is he rude to your friends? Does he seem to not listen when you talk to him? Does he make you feel guilty for expressing your feelings to him? All of these things are just a few of the red flags that could honestly be deal breakers for your relationship. Use your judgment and decide for yourself but when you feel strongly about a red flag, do not ignore it.
  9. If he doesn’t support your dreams, he doesn’t value them. You have dreams and things you want to accomplish in your life and those are things you should be able to share with your partner. If they don’t encourage you and get excited for you about what you want to do with your life, there’s a good chance that they don’t see the value in your dreams. A loving and supportive partner will not only encourage you but they will give you that extra push to never give up and keep working towards what you want.
  10. He’s not going to change and you deserve better. Toxic partners claim that they’re going to change anytime they think you might be close to leaving them. They can talk all day about improving, being better, being the partner that you need and deserve. The truth is, most of the time all it is is talk. It’s easy to make empty promises that aren’t anything special. The follow-through is what really counts and if your guy has been saying that he’s going to “change” for years now, I’m sorry babe, but he’s pretty set in his ways. He may not change but you can leave. You deserve someone who has all the qualities you desire in a partner without having to compromise on any of them.
Shelby is a journalist and fiction writer raised in the South but built for the big city. She's a book nerd (well, an overall nerd, honestly) and coffee addict and obsessed with all things leather and lacy.

She has a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication and Media Studies from Sam Houston State University and worked for her university newspaper, The Houstonian, as well as serving as a producer and part-time entertainment anchor for Cable 7 Huntsville. You can follow her on Twitter @shelby777.