Why Guys’ More Laid-Back Approach To Dating Is Actually A Good Thing

One of the most frustrating things about the search for love, particularly for straight women, is trying to figure out where the hell guys’ heads are half the time because they’re just so damn laid-back about everything. While we might complain about guys and their chilled dating vibes (which can be a real gripe when we’re waiting for them to reply to our texts), we have to stop and admit that in some cases it’s actually a good idea to steal a page or two from their playbook. Here’s why.

  1. They don’t stress about themselves. While we’re stressing about how we look, if we’re smart/pretty enough, and what’s going to happen with the new guy – and this is all before the first date with him – guys just rock up and see how it goes. They don’t stress to impress us to the point of giving themselves a heart attack.
  2. They pay attention to the flags. Since we’re stressing so much about dating, we’re not seeing clearly. The result? We can miss some red flags – but some green flags too! We’re not focused on living in the moment, which is what many guys have down to an art form and it pays off.
  3. They don’t overanalyze texts. We’re the queens of scrutinizing guys’ texts – we would totally have PhDs in text analysis if we could – but it leads to a lot of anxiety and stress. Guys don’t spend hours analyzing our one-word texts for secret meanings with their mates. They just get on with things.
  4. They don’t play hard to get. Okay, okay, some men might play hard to get… but only because they’re protecting their egos and don’t want to get bulleted after meeting us. Once we show a little bit of interest, they’re ready to move things forward. If they like you, you’ll know. They don’t waste time. If they are wasting your time, then that’s a sign they’re actually not interested.
  5. They keep it casual. Right, so when a guy you’re smitten with tells you he wants to keep things casual, that’s not cool or fun. But when guys are dating and getting to know you, they’re focused on nothing more than enjoying some good meals, having a good time, and keeping things light. This means they don’t get ahead of themselves with stressful expectations and they can make the most of opportunities if and when they appear.
  6. They keep their options open. When you start dating someone, do you get tunnel vision so that you don’t notice any other potential date around you? Um, but you don’t even really know the guy and could be missing out on better opportunities! Ideally, we should keep our options open in the way many men do, and only commit when we know for sure that the guy’s worth our time.
  7. They focus on themselves before dating. A guy will generally concentrate on himself and his life before he tries to find a woman to share it with. He’s not going to put anyone first or make them the center of his world unless he’s got all his bases covered. And even then, his life’s important to him. Go on and put yourself first on your list of priorities. You’re the most important person in your life!
  8. They date out of their league. A guy might not be the hottest jock in the room or the coolest, but that won’t stop him from hitting on the woman at the bar who’s got supermodel looks and a personality to match. Sometimes, sadly, we date down as women. WTF? It’s time to change our way of thinking and realize that there actually are no dating leagues.
  9. They tell it like it is. Another great tip to steal from men’s dating rulebook is how they tell it to you straight. If they want to slide you into the friend zone, you’ll know. They won’t feel the societal pressure to be super-polite and nice, or even lead us on, the way we do.
  10. They don’t obsess about the details. Think of all the things you’ll worry about before a date, from your hairstyle to who should foot the bill to where to eat dinner, and so on and so forth. The list is very long! Guys take it easy. They’d roll their eyes if they knew all the concerns that were in your head. Maybe it’s best to follow their lead here and try to chill. It’s just a date, at the end of the day.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.