It’s Practically Impossible To Find A Man Who Wants To Commit But Doesn’t Want Kids

I’ve finally figured out one of the huge issues in my dating life: I’m seeking the kind of man who unfortunately exists only in a small and very specific category. Here’s why I can’t seem to find what I’m looking for.

  1. A lot of men are afraid of commitment. I’ve never understood what the big deal is, but OK. There’s honestly no good reason I can think of for a man to hate the idea of a relationship unless he’s an a-hole. By not wanting to commit, he’s basically saying he’s waiting for something better to come along. There’s no way I’m settling for that kind of guy.
  2. The grass is always greener to them. For the guys who don’t want to settle down, they can’t understand why they should commit. What does it matter? They don’t want to have a family so they don’t have to stick to only one woman. They want to be free to roam as they please, the feelings of other human beings be damned.
  3. If they are into commitment, it’s because they want to settle down and start a family. This is my huge problem. I’m attracted to men who aren’t afraid to show their feelings and be in a monogamous relationship with one woman. I’m attracted to emotional maturity. Unfortunately, I find that especially as I get older, the men who operate this way also want children. I definitely don’t.
  4. There’s hardly any middle ground. I’m in the middle but I have a very difficult time finding a man who feels the same. It’s black and white with them. Their main concern is sex, so why would they decide to sleep with only one woman for the rest of time if not obligated? The only way they seem to want to do that is if they want marriage and a family, and even then they often can’t stick to it.
  5. Finding a guy who’s cool with long-term monogamy and no kids is like finding a unicorn. It seriously is.  I’m in my thirties so the whole settling-down-and-starting-a-family thing is way more of an issue when I date now. I’ve never wanted children and I’m not going to change my mind. I find that most men I meet now feel the opposite.
  6. Some men just don’t want to commit to me. I’m a strong woman. I know what I deserve and I won’t settle for less. I meet a good number of guys who can’t handle this. Obviously if they can’t hang, I don’t want them anyway, but it’s getting very frustrating and discouraging. Where are the grown men? I can’t seem to find any. It doesn’t matter if they’re younger, older, single, divorced, whatever. They run away.
  7. The rest are only interested in wifing me up. If they want to commit to me, it’s because they see a tough, smart woman who is capable of starting and raising a family with them. The big problem there is obviously that I have no intention of ever doing so. My biggest pet peeve is a man who is attracted to me and then tries to convince me that I will change my mind about kids because that’s what he wants. Nope!
  8. Men don’t want to accept that I know what I want. It’s incredibly insulting. I hate that I live in a world where a large majority of guys think they can mansplain to me about what I really want for my own damn life. Give me a break. You don’t know me and you certainly can’t tell me how I feel. You aren’t going to change my mind about kids, period.
  9. If I finally do meet a guy who feels the same, he ends up running away. I don’t get excited often but when I do, I get very excited. I can’t help it. It’s so rare that I meet a guy who I have a lot in common with and share chemistry with as well. I want it to work out so badly and unfortunately, it never does. It turns out that the guys I pick aren’t emotionally mature enough to date me. Great.
  10. It’s very frustrating to need something this specific. It’s tough because on top of all the other specific things I want, I’m effectively eliminating the majority of the male population right off the bat. I have a small pool to draw from and then I also have to find someone I actually like and share interests with who is cool with committing to me.
  11. I hate it when guys try to date me even if we don’t want the same things. This is obnoxious. Their intentions usually aren’t bad, but I need a guy who’s realistic. It’s a huge sign of emotional immaturity if a man commits to me in the hopes that I’ll change my mind about something to which I’m clearly strongly opposed. Don’t lead me on and let me develop feelings. If someone doesn’t want what I want he should leave me alone.
  12. I just want to meet my person already but he’s so tough to find. Maybe I should create a dating site specifically for people who want long-term relationships but don’t want children, I don’t know. What’s it going to take to find the right guy? It’s not like I have time to go out trolling for dudes 24/7. I’m a busy woman. What if I never meet anyone? I’ll survive, but it’s undeniable that my specific needs make everything about my dating life more difficult.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at