It’s been a while since your last relationship and you’re sure you’re over your ex. If that’s the case, why does he still pop into your head at random times on a regular basis? If you’re sure that your heart is no longer with your previous partner but he’s still taking up space in the back of your mind, here’s what could be going on.
- You miss certain aspects of your past relationship. If you lived together, for instance, chances are you shared a lot more than just your belongings. Spending quality time together and seeing each other can have a huge impact on your overall lifestyle. Now that you’re no longer together physically or emotionally, there’s a void that needs filling. It’s this void that’s probably diffusing thoughts about your ex into your mind. Either way, know that this isn’t about him – it’s more about missing the feeling of being in a relationship.
- You didn’t get the closure you deserved during the breakup. While exes try to walk away from each other on a positive note, sadly, most breakups are rough. Someone tends to walk away with deep emotional wounds that take time to heal. If you were on the receiving end of a resentful breakup, you probably didn’t get the closure you deserved. If you’re still thinking about him, chances are you’re not feeling a sense of resolution and it’s preventing you from closing this chapter of your life.
- You liked who you were and how you felt around him. Love has a weird way of changing a person’s character. While it’s true that love can make you feel something you’ve never felt before, it’s never okay to let yourself be defined by anyone. Having said this, maybe you miss the person you were when you were in a relationship with him. Maybe you miss the motivation you had to be a better person while dating him. If this is what’s happening, remember that you can be whoever you are right now, in or out of a relationship.
- You don’t like the idea of being alone. A lot of people are terrified at the idea of being alone, especially when they don’t know when they’ll be emotionally ready to date again. While it’s true that stress from a breakup can leave you feeling lost and scared, this should not force you to stick to toxic relationships. If you’re thinking about your ex, chances are you just don’t want to be on your own. Remember that there are healthy ways to overcome the fear of being alone after a breakup and none lead to your ex.
- You have residual negative emotions surrounding the breakup. Some breakups are so rough that they leave behind many negative feelings that were never addressed. When you’re thinking about your ex, you’re most probably thinking about the things you felt that led to the breakup. Maybe you feel that you hurt your ex, or maybe it’s your former partner who ex wronged you. Maybe you feel sad for staying in the relationship for as long as you did. All these feelings make it hard to let go of the past.
- You feel that the relationship had a lot more potential. Although this is a common thought people get after a nasty breakup, it’s nothing but a trap. You have to realize that while the idea of “the one that got away” is an alluring one, it’s just a fantasy that you need to snap out of. Many people idealize the potential of a relationship and feel bummed out when it never gets there. Maybe you’re thinking of your ex because you had dreams and hopes that went unmet? If that is the case, it’s time to build your self-confidence and self-esteem, because only you are responsible for your happiness, no one else.
- You enjoyed the wonderful feeling of being in love. Ask someone who’s in love what it’s like and they’ll describe things in a magically romantic way. That’s what love does to people. It gives you butterflies and sends your heart soaring. After a breakup, suddenly the butterflies vanish into thin air and your heart hits the floor, leaving you shaken and wounded. If you find yourself thinking about your ex, chances are you’re longing for the times when you felt love even though you no longer need that love to come from your ex.
- You lost some confidence during your relationship. Relationships, especially bad ones, can wear you down. You may have lost your self-esteem or your confidence during the relationship, and any crumb of validation your ex gave you at the time would have meant the world for you. Now, without that validation and without your ex to rely on, you may be feeling lost and alone. Remember, confidence comes from within. It won’t happen overnight, but once you realize that your ex has nothing to do with boosting your confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, you’ll be able to convert your breakup into a breakthrough!