Why You Suddenly Miss Your Ex Out Of Nowhere & What To Do About It

You broke up a while ago and you’re totally over your ex — you don’t think about them during your day-to-day life and you certainly don’t miss them… until you do. It’s a feeling that comes out of nowhere and threatens to totally throw you off track. What’s up with that?

  1. You’re a little bit lonely. It makes sense. Maybe you haven’t dated in a while or maybe you have but the dates you’ve gone on have been total duds. It’s only natural that the lack of decent relationship prospects is going to make you feel a little discouraged and kinda lonely. You’re only human.
  2. Nostalgia is a bitch. Nostalgic depression is a real thing and it can feel overpowering. If you’re a naturally nostalgic person, this feeling of wistfulness about the past is a killer. It creeps up on you and totally knocks you out when you least expect it to, making you feel warm and fuzzy about people and relationships that probably weren’t even that great in general. Remembering the first time they reached out to hold your hand out of nowhere or that time you ate pizza together until you were so full you couldn’t move will make you want them back but trust me, it’s a bad idea.
  3. You’re bored. You probably live a full, happy life, but in those moments of downtime, your mind starts to play tricks on you and your thoughts drift to your ex. This isn’t because you legitimately miss them, it’s because you’re not distracted with anything else at the moment. Hang out with your girls, go for a run, listen to some music (though not the music you loved as a couple) and I bet you it’ll pass in no time.
  4. You need to get laid. Hey, a woman has needs, right? If your ex was dynamite (or even just moderately adept) in bed and you’re feeling a little horny, it makes sense that you’re going to start missing them a bit. Sure, you could go out and find a random hookup but not only is that not your style, there’s also no guarantee it’ll be any good. Sort yourself out for now —no good can come from having sex with your ex.
  5. You’re upset that they’ve moved on first. Sure, you’re over them, but you saw on Facebook earlier that they’re with someone new and since you’re not, you feel somewhat left behind. They look so happy with their new partner and that naturally reminds you of when the two of you were happy together. Things weren’t so bad, were they? (Yes, they were—your relationship ended for a reason. Remember that.)
  6. You’re frustrated with the dating scene. You may have tried to move on and meet someone new, but every effort ends in disappointment. That can be enough to get you missing your ex. They weren’t great, but they were familiar and the letdowns were a bit easier to take. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should get back together. Things ended for a reason. Remember that.
  7. You’re afraid of being alone forever. There’s pretty much zero chance that you’ll never find love again but that doesn’t mean the thought doesn’t freak you out. Given the lack of good dating options out there, it makes sense that the thought of being forever alone would cross your mind, but don’t let that convince you that being with your ex would be better than rolling solo because that couldn’t be further from the truth.
  8. You do legitimately miss them. And that’s normal. If the relationship ended for a reason that was nobody’s fault and your time together was generally pretty great, of course you’re going to miss the person who was such a big part of your life for a while. However, that doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together. Live in the feeling, let yourself experience it, and then move on. There’s bigger and better out there waiting for you.
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill