Are You Sexually Frustrated? 7 Signs You Desperately Need To Get Laid

When you haven’t had sex in a while, you start you lose your grip on reality. I’m not talking about wondering if you’ll ever find love. I’m just talking about sex and the lack thereof. I know that sounds dramatic, but there’s an all manner of bodily, mental, and emotional repercussions for a … failure to launch. If you start seeing yourself in this list and it’s been a hot minute since you got any, it’s time you put two and two together. Figuratively, of course. Here are the signs you’re clearly sexually

  1. You’re horny. This is an obvious sign of being sexually frustrated, I know, but hear me out. It’s not just watching porn in the night when you get the urge. No, what I mean is that you start getting turned on in the middle of the day when you hate watch Riverdale and a scene comes on that would normally have you rolling your eyes into next week. You start to find yourself responding in ways that your mind rebels against. Racy music videos hit differently. The vibe of the club moves you more powerfully. God help you if you look the wrong way at the cringy perfume advert at the soccer halftime show. You can’t explain the things that get you going when you’re sexually frustrated. Frankly, it gets embarrassing, so beware.
  2. You get bored easily. Maybe that new season of the TV show you were really looking forward to just isn’t cutting it anymore. Or, indeed, you can’t make it through a full film or commit to making anything interesting for lunch. You’re getting distracted and you can’t finish, as it were. Pun intended, obviously. It’s time you get that frustrating feeling out of your system. Have sex and regain your focus and ability to get things done.
  3. You have no attention span. This is a stage further than mere boredom. It cannot be fixed by merely enriching the brain and hoping for the best. Once the attention span is gone, you’re lost to daydream land. Now, you’re in trouble. This is because daydreams are not abstract ideas or activated by the stimulus or media in front of you. They’re attached to real people and memories. Once memories take over, the mundanity of the present-day always lose out to the spicer recollections. The kettle boils for your mid-afternoon tea while you absently contemplate taking your next fling up against the kitchen table and getting creative. Good luck to your roommates,  that’s all I’ll say at this stage.
  4. You take up a new sport. This just means that you have bags of energy of a certain nature that needs expelling. It’s not like it’s being used up in any other endeavors. Yes, if you suddenly find yourself running a five-minute mile, you might want to take another look at your love life. There’s an old adage that you can’t outrun your problems, but you can certainly try. Hey, maybe enforced celibacy is the key to achieving Olympic levels of athleticism. Stranger things have happened, I’m sure.
  5. You develop new hyper-fixations. Whether your active minds need to be quietened, quelled, or distracted altogether, taking up a new hobby or obsession is another manifestation of a quiet spell in one’s sexual life. If your friend suddenly plunges into the world of Minecraft, or deep dives into Tiktok with renewed vigor, maybe it’s time to see the signs and drag them to the nearest ladies’ night in town. Be warned, if they whip out their old Rubik’s cube from when they were 15, they’re a lost cause. It’s every man for himself, chaps. Yup, you’re sexually frustrated.
  6. You get irritable. Maybe it’s a combination of the build-up of teenage hormones or the lack of energy release, unexpressed hidden desires, or the urge to scream and shout. Either way, when people stop getting laid, they get mean. It’s one of the biggest signs of sexual frustration there is. This happens for a variety of reasons, primarily that word: frustration. It sucks to want something and not satisfy that. Let’s not be coy, guys. It’s okay to want physical touch and attention. We all want to be desired and feel desirable. Don’t shame that.
  7. You miss your ex. We’re at DEFCON 5, ladies and gents. There’s no going back now. You need a kind friend to drag your sorry ass to the club, pronto. Maybe for the week. There’s no excuse for this. Dating is never so miserable that you resort to that. You’re just lonely, and you don’t miss them. Your ex can only offer you attention, but there are other ways of getting validation. A few billion of them, truthfully. Ignore the instinct to reconnect with them and suppress the urge. You are better than that. As Dua Lipa said, you’re not getting over him if you’re getting under him. Mic drop.

So, there you have it – the timeline of sexual frustration when it has been a righteously dry hot girl summer. Why not cut your losses and shoot for hot girl summer (and autumn, winter, and spring) to blow away the cobwebs? The FRIENDS reruns will be waiting for you when you get back.

Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.