For many people, the thought of being single forever is on par with having bamboo shoots shoved under their fingernails ― it is literally the worst. While there is no guarantee in life that you won’t end up alone, there are definitely things that you might be doing right now that could possibly contribute to it. And, no, it has nothing to do with how many cats you have. Here are some behaviors that could be keeping you solo. Change them if you want to stand a chance at finding love.
1. You refuse to give new people a chance.
It’s just not in your nature to accept anyone new into your life. You’ve gotten to the point where when someone smiles at you, your immediate reaction is to scowl and run away. You’re comfortable with your current crew and keep yourself to yourself. While this isn’t always a bad thing, it certainly is if you hope to find love. If you don’t let anyone in, how will you ever connect with your person?
2. You’re constantly spouting off about how you won’t settle.
Yeah, we get it: you’re not going to settle. Nor should you! But telling everyone over and over again isn’t going to convince you or anyone else that that’s why you’re single. Get over yourself. Healthy boundaries and deal-breakers are a good thing, but using “not settling” as an excuse for writing everyone off as not good enough is only working against you. It’s no wonder you’re going to be single forever.
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4. You have insanely unrealistic expectations.
It’s really important to have standards in relationships, but when you get to a point that no one, not even Superman, can meet those expectations, you’re just dooming yourself and your future. Again, it’s not “settling” to accept that someone has flaws and that it doesn’t make them any less worthy of love. You’re not perfect either, are you? (Newsflash: you’re not.)
5. You don’t really go anywhere or try new things.
Listen, everyone loves delivery and Netflix, but if this is all you seem to do anymore, it may be time to reevaluate things. You can’t complain about being single forever if you never actually get off your couch and out of your house and go to places you might actually meet people. You’re stuck in a rut, and the sooner you get out of it, the better.
6. You go into every date thinking it’s going to suck.
No one likes dating! It’s exhausting and time-consuming, and sometimes that dude from Tinder who seems like the greatest thing in the world on paper is actually a damn sociopath. But you can’t always assume the worst, because then you never open yourself up to the possibility of finding the best. People do actually find love online and randomly at the bar, gym, or grocery store. However, you have to actually believe it could happen if you want to stand a chance.
7. You think sharing your space is the worst idea ever.
It’s one thing to not want to share your bed, but it’s another thing if the thought of sharing any other corner of your world makes you cringe and convulse. If it’s true that you thrive on being on your own and don’t want a relationship, that’s fine. However, given that you’re reading this article, I’m going to guess that’s not the case. Open up your world a bit.
8. You’ve stopped being invited to parties because you’re a killjoy.
It’s not that your friends don’t like you, it’s just that their friends don’t understand your brand of humor ― or at least this is what they tell you. You don’t have to be the most outgoing person in the world or someone who’s desperate for the spotlight to be fun to hang out with. If you’re getting a little too jaded for even your besties, however, that’s not a good sign.
9. You can’t get over your ex.
Not only can you not get over your ex, but you still make time throughout your day to stalk him online and you constantly update your Instagram to show just how happy you are without him. You know, just in case he’s checking your account, which he probably isn’t. Your ex has moved on and you haven’t, and as long as that’s the case, you run the very real risk of being single forever.
10. You compare everyone you meet to your ex.
Your ex is your ex for a reason, and yet you seem to see the crap that he put you through as something superior to the good stuff someone new might do. He’s still on a pedestal in your world and unsurprisingly, the guys you date will probably take issue with that.
11. You’re content being the third wheel.
Most people hate being the third wheel because things run best with four wheels, but you just don’t see it that way. You’ve somehow managed to convince yourself that your best friend and her boyfriend are just sooo stoked to cater to you, and you alone, yet again. Sorry to break it to you, but they probably find it a little awkward and sometimes wish you had someone too.
12. You fall in love too easily.
You’re actually that person who halfway through dinner on a first date announces that you’re falling in love. Yikes. Then you spend the next couple of weeks wondering why your new boyfriend is totally ignoring you like the plague. You don’t know how to pace yourself, and that always leaves you frustrated and alone.
13. You don’t know the last time you were able to take a hint.
People don’t text you back, but you keep on messaging again and again. The guy you dated for a hot minute is totally ghosting you and yet you’re standing outside his work every day on your lunch break. Your friends try to point out the harsh truth and you stare blankly at them. Sound familiar? Yeah… you’re going to be alone for a damn long time.
14. You’ve stopped looking after your appearance.
Yes, beauty is more than skin deep and your forever person will love you for far more than the way you look. However, it would be ridiculous to pretend that appearance doesn’t matter in the initial stages. This is the first thing we tend to be attracted to when we meet people, so it’s important that we present ourselves well when out in the world. That doesn’t mean you need a full face of makeup and high heels every day, just that you take care and pride in your appearance and go out feeling confident and like you could conquer the world. If you can’t remember the last time you brushed your hair and half your clothes have stains on them, it may be time to make a change.
15. You really “value your freedom.”
It’s definitely something to be proud of when you’re self-sufficient and totally independent. However, there is something to be said for having too much of a good thing. If you’re always yammering on about how much you “value your freedom,” you’re basically insinuating that being in a relationship would somehow shackle you and hold you back in life. Healthy relationships aren’t like that.
16. You find it hard to trust people.
Having bad past experiences in love (and life in general) is bound to leave a person with trust issues. When you’ve been betrayed or abandoned by someone you loved and who you thought had your best interest at heart, that letdown can leave scars that never fully fade. However, if you don’t want to be single forever, it’s up to you to take steps to process these experiences and move past them so that you can have fulfilling, happy relationships again in the future.
17. Your self-confidence sucks.
In order for other people to see the good in you, you have to be able to see it in yourself. You have to believe that you’re worthy of an amazing love and that you have a lot to offer the world because you do. However, if your self-worth is in the toilet, that aura will be with you wherever you go and it’ll keep you single, possibly forever.
18. You’re a hopeless romantic.
There’s nothing wrong with believing in love and hoping to find it one day. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting romantic gestures from a partner. However, if you’re still holding on to the Disney ideal of finding Prince Charming to whisk you away on his white horse and living happily ever after, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. Life is not a movie, but if you give it a chance, it can be even better.