The Worse Your Breakup, The Happier You’ll End Up, According To Science

If breaking up was super simple, there wouldn’t be nearly as many songs written about how much having a broken heart totally sucks. When you’re going through it, you swear that your life has never been harder, but it turns out that a bad ending to a relationship is the best way to ensure your future happiness. Yup, really.

  1. A study proves it. Back in 2003, 92 college students were asked how they were doing after going through a bad breakup, and things were going well for them. As the study’s lead author said to Elite Daily, “Every single participant listed some positive life changes as a result of their breakup.” Hey, it’s pretty great if science proves something that makes sense already, right?
  2. The students had better self-esteem after the breakup. They all gained a better sense of self and felt so much more amazing than they ever did. So instead of thinking that their lives were totally over and they were worth nothing because some guy or girl didn’t want to be with them anymore, they accepted their new reality and things turned around.
  3. You can get closer to the people in your life. Something else the students in this study did? They started hanging out more with their friends and fam. It’s pretty normal to want to spend all your time with the person that you’re dating, so if things go sour, you realize that you’ve been neglecting all of your other relationships. Think of becoming even closer to your sister or best friend as the silver lining of the breakup.
  4. You have to suffer before you can really be happy. This might sound melodramatic AF but it’s like people have been waxing poetic about for ages: without pain, there’s no understanding of happiness. You might not think that you will ever stop crying when you listen to sad songs or watch a TV show that reminds you of your ex-boyfriend and yet eventually, you’ll wake up in the greatest mood ever. Your happiness will be so much sweeter since you know what it was like to be anything but.
  5. Breakups are always for the best. When you get some perspective, you always realize that, even if your boyfriend dumped you and you were devastated, he was right. He knew that you weren’t right for each other and that you both need to move on with your lives. Why wouldn’t you end up happier when you’ve gone through something that was absolutely necessary and a positive thing for your life?
  6. You can actually think about your future. You’re in a weird kind of limbo when you’re stuck in a bad relationship. You’re not quite ready to pull the plug, but it’s not like you’re in love anymore or having any fun. That can make it really tough to plan for the future or even dream of anything. Now that you’re free, you can set goals all that you want. You can focus on living the life that you actually want and you won’t have to feel tied to this negative relationship anymore.
  7. Staying positive really is the key. You can get through anything if you stay in a good mood, from a bad night’s sleep to a stressful presentation at work. The same goes for when the guy of your dreams breaks your heart into a billion pieces. Keep it together even when you swear that everything’s falling apart and you’ll be rewarded with much more happiness.
  8. You don’t want to be in the same situation again. While it’s impossible to really know if something is going to definitely work out, since no can predict the future, you usually have a pretty good sense of when a guy is being real with you and when he’s just BS-ing you. Now that you know how awful it feels to end a romance, you know that you want to be careful next time and choose someone who truly gets you.
  9. You don’t even know the awesome lessons you’re learning. Once you find yourself in another relationship, you’ll realize how much you learned from your crappy relationship and your even crappier breakup. You’ll know how you deserve to be treated and you’ll be grateful for what you went through because you ended up where you are now. And it’s so much better.
  10. Being bitter post-breakup is a choice. You know those women (or men) who get divorced and never get over it? They honestly could move on, they’re just deciding not to. You always have a choice to be bitter or to be happy. It’s not like your world is going to magically get happier overnight, but if you put the time in and get your life in gear, your happiness will reappear sooner than you think.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.