It should go without saying that healthy relationships are 50/50. If you’re doing most of the heavy lifting with your guy, he may be taking you for granted. Here are some signs that’s exactly what’s happening.
- He doesn’t respect your time. He makes and cancels plans at the last minute or he turns up an hour late with no apologies. Clearly he thinks you have nothing better to do than wait around for him. He doesn’t see it as a problem and if you ever bring it to his attention, he always brushes it off as you overreacting. A guy who doesn’t respect your time doesn’t respect you, period. Get rid of him.
- He never apologizes even when he’s clearly in the wrong. He thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and then act like nothing’s happened when you’re hurt or upset by his behavior. The word “sorry” never leaves his mouth because he doesn’t believe he has anything to feel sorry for—that would require him to take responsibility for his actions and he’s not willing to do that. He assumes you’ll stick around regardless and maybe it’s time you prove him wrong.
- He takes no interest in the things you love. You love art but he thinks it’s stupid. You try to change his mind by taking him to a museum and he texts all his friends about how silly the museum is. While it’s not necessary for couples to share all the same interests, if he can’t even try to be open-minded about the things you love, he’s bad news.
- He’s rarely there for you when you need him. Life sucks sometimes, but one of the benefits of being in a relationship is knowing that you have someone by your side to vent to and be supported by. Your boyfriend should keep you sane, but if he’s “too busy” or just can’t be bothered to be there for you, why is he even with you?
- You feel you don’t get anything out of the relationship. Sure, the sex is good and it’s nice feeling needed sometimes—and given all you do for him, you’re definitely needed—but you’re exhausted and struggling to find reasons to stay. He’ll never break up with you because he’s so used to you being at his beck and call whenever he wants you, but you’re so much better off without him.
- He’s totally inconsistent. If he’s not the guy that you fell in love with anymore, two things may have happened: either he’s changed or he was never that guy to begin with. People change all the time as they grow and evolve, but if he’s become unrecognizable overnight, that probably means he was pretending to be someone else when you fell for him. You went into this relationship with a certain standard. If you’ve been conned into buying what you don’t want, it’s within your rights to leave. Be rational, ladies. Why stay on a sinking ship?
- Your friends tell you to ditch him. Repeatedly. I’m not saying they’re right, I’m saying they may be. (OK, they probably are.) At the very least, it can’t hurt to humor them by listening to what they say, right? If your friends are good ones, they only want what’s best for you. They also have the gift of relative objectivity. After all, you’re blinded by your feelings since you’re in the relationship—those who can see it from the outside might have a whole other perspective.
- You’re not growing or moving forward. Relationships are all about growing together, supporting each other, and pushing one another to be the best possible version of yourselves. As cliche as that sounds, that’s what it is. Helping him grow while you’re stuck? Now that’s just not fair. In this light, it’s a little bit like a job. Once you’ve taken all you can out of it, just quit and move on to the next one.