If You’re Not Sure You’re In A Relationship, You’re Not

If You’re Not Sure You’re In A Relationship, You’re Not

Dating isn’t always black and white, but whether or not you’re in a relationship should be. If you’re living in the gray area between being friends or lovers and can’t seem to figure out where you stand, stop now. If you’re not sure if you’re in a real relationship, then you’re not.

  1. You’re not exclusive until you have “The Talk.” If you haven’t had an actual conversation about the parameters of your “relationship,” then you’re not actually in a relationship. If you really want to be with him, don’t be passive about the situation. Face the issue head on and find out what the hell is going on. If he doesn’t want to be with you, you’re better off knowing than only being together in your mind.
  2. You should always know your relationship status. “It’s complicated” is total BS. You’re not exactly friends, but that doesn’t mean you’re together, so what are you? Well, if you don’t know then you’re not really anything. Are you okay with that? You should always know whether you’re actually with a guy or free to see other people because otherwise, this almost-relationship is just a waste of time.
  3. If you can’t tell how he feels, then he doesn’t feel enough. If a guy really likes you, you’ll be able to tell. If he’s interested then he’s going to make a move. When things are up in the air, it’s because at least one of you wants the relationship to remain undefined. If you can’t tell beyond a shadow of a doubt whether or not he actually wants to be with you, why are you still trying to be with him?
  4. There’s no way to define cheating. If you’re not technically together, then how do you define what you can and can’t do when it comes to other people? Are you allowed to go on dates with other men? Is he allowed to sleep with other women? Can he sext someone else? Can you stay in contact with your ex? If you don’t know if you’re in a real relationship then cheating is a completely gray area. Stepping out on each other might be a stupid move, but is it cheating? You can’t really know.
  5. If he’s avoiding the commitment talk, there’s a reason. Guys who want to commit to you aren’t afraid to make that known. If the guy you’re seeing is avoiding making things official at all costs, then you can do the math — he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s into keeping things casual, and if you want more, then you need to say so. Just remember, if he turns a relationship with you down, then you’re better off without him.
  6. If you both wanted to be official, you would be. There’s something that’s holding (at least one of you) back. You’re both adults, so start acting like it. If you both wanted a real relationship with each other then there’d be no question as to what you are to each other. If you’re not on the same page, it’s better to know now before you end up with your heart broken.
  7. Almost relationships aren’t real relationships. The word “almost” holds a lot of power. You might think of him as your guy, but he’s not. You’re playing the part of his girlfriend without getting any of the benefits of actually being his girlfriend. He doesn’t actually need to be there for you or perform any other boyfriendly duties. Even if you stopped seeing each other tomorrow, it wouldn’t technically be a breakup. The worst part is, it would hurt all the same.
  8. You’re afraid of losing him. You’re scared to keep bringing up commitment and you actually don’t really want to ask him what you are to each other despite the fact that you desperately want an answer to that question. Why? Because at the end of the day, you’re afraid that if you push him too hard, he’ll just walk away. You might be hoping that things will magically fall into place and you’ll ride off into the sunset together, but deep down you fear that your uncertainty about your relationship status isn’t so uncertain after all. That’s no way to live.
  9. Your time is valuable and you shouldn’t waste any more of it. If you’re not on the same page now, will you ever be? Do you want the same things out of life? Do you both want to be together? Is this serious or are you just hanging out? Do you have a future or are you just passing the time so you don’t have to be alone? If he’s important to you then you need to know exactly where you stand before he gets your hopes too far up.
  10. You know what happens when you assume… Sure, you make an ass out of yourself and him, but even worse, that’s how you get your heart broken. You might think that you’re together, but at the same time, he could be thinking you’re casual. How are you going to feel when you find out that you’re not the only girl in his life? You can’t assume, you have to know.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has been blogging for over four years and writing her whole life. Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. She enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.