I’d been dating him for two months and was so into him. When my friend suggested we all go out one night, I was amped for her to meet my amazing boyfriend. In the end, I wished I had canceled because it was a night I remembered for all the wrong reasons.
OMG, is he flirting? Over dinner and drinks, my boyfriend kept giving my friend really creepy looks, like he was about to salivate all over her and her food. I started to feel really awkward because it was clear he found her attractive.
She’s the hot friend in my group. This friend of mine is the hottest woman in our group. She’s gorgeous, tall, and has an amazing body. I’ve felt self-conscious around her in the past, but never as much as this night when my boyfriend was transfixed by her and complimenting her dress when I knew he was really just complimenting her boobs.Ugh.
I felt invisible. I felt like I’d have to make a fire and burn the tablecloth just to get my boyfriend’s attention. I sat there feeling like I didn’t exist. He was showing so much interest in my friend and I think I caught a look of pity in her eyes when she looked at me at one point, which made me feel even worse!
I felt inadequate. I felt like I wasn’t worthy at all because I didn’t have her body and I didn’t have her killer cleavage. I started to feel empty inside, like I wasn’t valuable at all. It sounds dramatic, but imagine sitting at a table with someone who looks like they could be a Victoria’s Secret model, with your boyfriend perving over her. Yeah, it was enough to make me feel like a total freak.
I thought I was perhaps overreacting. I took a break to go to the ladies’ room and collect my thoughts. I was feeling worthless, stupid and jealous. I tried to tell myself I was just overreacting. It’s nothing serious if a guy looks at other women or is attracted to them, is it?
I couldn’t shake the bad feeling. The second I sat at the table again, I knew that what I was feeling was much more than simple jealousy because my boyfriend thought some other woman was hot. He was flirting with her! I could see it in his eyes and the way he spoke to her. It was wrong because he was supposed to be acting like my boyfriend, not some single guy on the prowl.
It wasn’t about her. At first, I’m ashamed to admit it but I felt anger towards my friend. I hated that she was so damn perfect, but then I realized that my boyfriend’s attraction to her and flirting with her had nothing to do with her. This was about him and how inappropriate he was being.
It made me wonder if I could really trust him. Looking at another woman isn’t such a biggie, and perhaps flirting isn’t such a serious thing. But would my boyfriend stop at that? How could I be sure that his flirtatiousness wouldn’t lead to deeper interest in my beautiful friend? I started to feel insecure in our relationship.
I wished he’d been different. Over the years, I’d seen so many guys fall head over heels with my friend. They were always approaching her at bars and her male friends always caught a case of the feels for her. I was disappointed because I wished my boyfriend hadn’t been like all those guys. I wished he’d been different.
I felt like I was a second-best option. I couldn’t help but wonder: if he liked women like my friend, then how could he be dating me? Even though I know every woman is beautiful in her own way, my friend and I were completely different. I found myself worrying that if he’d met her before me, he would’ve been with her. Even worse: if I hadn’t been at the table, would he have made a move on her? It sucked to have these worries.
I feared I had a cheater on my hands. I know that guys who flirt and look at other women don’t necessarily become cheats, but for me, the issue was that he was flirting and totally dissing me. He didn’t stop to think of how his behavior and the stupid look on his face was disrespecting me.
I didn’t react. It was so tough for me to play it cool and not stand up and splash my water in his face, but I somehow managed. I acted like I didn’t even notice how much he was into my friend just to get through the dinner. I didn’t even bring it up with him after we left the dinner. I didn’t want to seem like an insecure, pathetic girlfriend, so I pushed my feelings deeper inside me, where they started to burn my confidence to shreds.
The horrible feeling lasted long after the outing. After that night, I felt smaller in my boyfriend’s eyes. When last had he complimented my looks? When last had he called me beautiful? Even within myself, I had no confidence, no self-esteem, and no self-love. I felt like I wasn’t good enough when there were such amazing women as my friend in the world. It was a dark place.
I couldn’t hide my feelings for long. After a few more days of self-torture, my boyfriend asked how my friend was doing and if we were going to see her again because he really enjoyed chatting to her. I cracked. I told him exactly what I was feeling and how crappy he’d made me feel.
I couldn’t be with him. He acted shocked and told me I was jealous of my friend. Low blow! He’d disrespected my feelings by flirting with another woman and he was doing the same thing now by not trying to see things from my perspective. I couldn’t see him in the same way again. I knew our relationship was over.
I saw the light. Even though I dumped the loser, I knew that I’d be afraid of letting other guys meet my hot friend in future. In a way, it’s good to have her as a test for guys I date. If they act like dogs in heat around her, I know that they’re wrong for me. I might not be as gorgeous as a supermodel or my friend, but I deserve a good man who treats me with respect.
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