When you’re crazy about the guy you’re dating, it makes sense to feel possessive sometimes. You’re so happy to have found someone you’re so well-matched with that you’re afraid you’ll wake up one morning and he’ll be gone. It’s a silly thing to worry about, especially if you’re plagued by those doubts on a daily basis. After all, if you’re burdened with the feeling being desperate to keep a guy, he wasn’t yours to begin with. Here’s why:
- If you’re not in an official relationship, you’re just not. If he wants to be with you, you’re going to find out pretty quickly, and if he doesn’t, there’s ultimately nothing you can really do to change his mind. A guy who wants to stick around will make his intentions clear and won’t string you along. If he’s doing the latter, he’s not yours anyway.
- He shouldn’t make you question his intentions of staying. If you’re in a relationship with someone who makes you feel like he could walk away at any moment, maybe you should walk away first. That’s a power play, and not the kind of games you want to play with someone who’s supposed to love you.
- If you’re chronically jealous, you’ve got some work to do. There are two ways to stop with the jealous thing: either stop dating untrustworthy people, or start trusting that what you have to offer is plenty to keep someone around. (How about both?)
- Constantly feeling so desperate to keep someone is stressful. Can you imagine if you were trying to keep your best friend all the time? She’s just there, and even when she’s physically gone, it’s not an issue because she comes back like a normal person.
- You can’t technically “keep” anyone in any circumstance. No matter how great you are or how hard you love, you don’t know what’s going to happen in life. Expending excess energy trying to control a relationship isn’t really going to build it up.
- Is he actually awesome, or does he just seem it? Slightly manipulative guys will tell BS stories to prove how in-demand they are, like claiming that women chase them down every time they leave the house. He’s trying to make you jealous, which again goes back to control. Don’t let it rile you up, and definitely don’t play into it.
- Panicking about losing him is often a warning sign. When things are solid in your life, you don’t generally worry about them going wrong. You’ll keep your apartment so long as you pay your rent; you’ll keep your job if you turn up on time and do a good job. If you’re freaking out about losing your relationship, there might be something below the surface that’s not quite right.
- You can’t hide him from the rest of the world. When you panic about keeping someone, it has to do with not wanting anyone else to have him. You can’t very well hide him away from the rest of the world, nor should you want to if you actually care about him. Playing overprotective comes off as mom behavior, not girlfriend.
- It’s not a sign that he’s The One. He might want you to think that he’s the only one out there, but the right guy isn’t going to put you on edge for no reason. The right guy will do the opposite, and let you know that he isn’t on the run.
