No Answer Is An Answer — When A Guy Doesn’t Text Back, He’s Not Interested

Modern dating and texting go hand in hand, but for some reason, the unanswered text still seems an all too common mystery. If you feel particularly clueless about the topic, here’s how to crack the code: no response is indeed a response — he’s just not interested. When a guy doesn’t text back, the lack of response tells you everything you need to know.

Why no response is a response when it comes to waiting for a guy’s texts

  1. Guys who are actually interested will make time for you. Everyone’s busy, but if a guy actually cares, he’ll do whatever it takes to be in your life. That means he won’t leave you hanging on a text. He’ll text back because he actually wants to talk to you. Seeing your name light up his phone will make him happy, not annoyed, and he’ll be more than happy to shoot over a few words to keep the conversation going.
  2. Texting someone back takes less than a minute. Some guys act like texting is such a huge hassle and asking too much, but look at the reality of that thought process. Your phone alerts you when you get a message and that notification doesn’t go away until you check the message. Even if he doesn’t have time at the moment, it’s not like he can just forget that red bubble staring him in the face. When he does open the message, texting back usually takes less than a minute. Would any guys like to explain once again how that’s asking too much?
  3. You deserve better than mixed signals. If you have to constantly decipher his texts or lack thereof to figure out if he likes you then he’s just not worth it. If he’s not on his texting game with you, take the loss and move on. Don’t keep going after a guy who’s clearly not feeling it. Your heart might want something to happen, but listen to your head and don’t be desperate. Deep down, you know the meaning of an unanswered message.
  4. No guy should ever leave you waiting by the phone. You have a life and you’re not going to put it off for some guy. If a guy expects you to wait around for him whenever he feels like texting you back, he needs to get off his high horse and realize that your world doesn’t revolve around him. Men aren’t God’s gift to women. If he leaves you waiting around to hear from him, send him a message of your own and just move on.
  5. A man who really likes you will be happy to hear from you. He’ll also be more than happy to text back. He won’t see texting as something he has to do but as something he actually wants to do. He’s interested in you and that’s why he wants to keep the relationship flowing. If he doesn’t bother sending a reply, he’s already stopped that flow, and the “relationship” is headed straight to nowhere.
  6. There’s a difference between a random occurrence and a habit. If he misses a message or forgets to text back one time, it’s no big deal, but if he’s constantly leaving you waiting on a reply for days at a time, it’s pretty damn clear he’s not interested. He’s not answering (or at least not answering quickly enough) because you’re not on his mind. He texts you when it’s convenient for him, which is most likely when he’s horny or bored.
  7. If he wants a relationship, he’ll make an effort. If he’s not willing to do the work or put in the time, it means that you’re just not important to him. Do you really want to go after a guy who doesn’t see you as a priority in his life? If you’re doing all the work and he never even meets you in the middle, you’re just going to end up exhausted and unsatisfied. Remember — guys who have a real interest know how to make an effort.
  8. Guys aren’t the best at expressing their feelings. So when a guy isn’t texting back consistently, he’s trying to give you a clue. Sure, it would be nice if he had a little more respect for you and just told you openly that he’s not that into you, but alas, that seems to be asking too much. So a lot of guys do what they do best — avoid the problem and hope it will eventually go away when you get the hint.
  9. Sometimes texting habits are a guy’s way of defining the relationship. A guy who texts back on the reg is interested. A guy who only texts you last minute when he’s horny is only interested in being your hookup buddy. A guy who doesn’t text back until you repeatedly hit him up has no interest at all — he’s just trying to get you off his back. If he never texts back then that silent treatment is your slap in the face to move the hell on.
  10. If he’s not pursuing you, it’s time to stop pursuing him. Guys who are interested text back. Guys who aren’t don’t. Don’t bother trying to change his mind. You need to have the confidence to realize that if a guy doesn’t see how great you are, it’s his loss. Let go of him and move on to a guy who will be excited to have you in his life. You can’t fight for a guy who’s not fighting for you. At the end of the day, you just have to accept that no message is a message — that’s his way of telling you he’s just not interested.

While you shouldn’t be unreasonable in expecting him to get back to you within a few minutes of sending a message, it’s completely appropriate to want to hear from him within a day or so of texting him, even if it’s just to say he’s super busy. If this isn’t happening, don’t wait around wondering what’s up with him or thinking he has a valid excuse. Maybe he does, but you have a life to live.

Why waiting around for a guy who isn’t texting is a waste of time

We’ve already established that a guy who doesn’t text back likely isn’t interested in you. Still, you might be tempted to hang around just in case. You might reason that it’s still early days and he doesn’t know you all that well but that he might change once he does. You might try to convince yourself that you’re overreacting and that your expectations are too high. It’s not like he’s your actual boyfriend, after all, so maybe you should just chill a bit, right? Wrong.

  1. You’re setting a bad precedent. Let’s say you do overlook the fact that he totally ignores your texts and doesn’t really care how rude it is. Maybe you buy his excuse that he’s just “bad at texting” or that he “totally forgot to reply” because he was “super busy” when he first saw your message. What kind of relationship are you going to have moving forward? If he’s putting in so little effort now, he’d be a terrible boyfriend and you’d only end up miserable.
  2. He could be texting other women. Pretty much everyone is obsessed with their phones these days, so the fact that this guy doesn’t ever text you back makes you wonder who he is texting. Maybe it’s no one at all, fine. Or, maybe it’s another woman (or several other women) because he’s an eternal bachelor who loves playing the field. Do you really want to have to try and figure out the real answer to that question?
  3. You’re coming off as desperate. If one of your friends told you that the guy she likes doesn’t text her back but that she still thinks he’s great and that they have a chance of a future together, you would tell her she’s nuts and fooling herself, right? By trying to justify his lack of contact, you’re making yourself look desperate. If you weren’t, why else would you put up with this kind of behavior?
  4. You have better things to do with your time and energy. A guy who’s actually into you and who’s on your level will make time to send you a quick message, no matter how short it is. He’ll want you to know that you’re still on his mind and that he still values your presence in his life. He won’t leave you hanging for days or even weeks on end until he can be bothered to get in touch because he respects you and your time too much. Anything less than that just isn’t acceptable.

How to move on from a guy who doesn’t text back

It seems kind of obvious, but it’s still worth saying. The best way to leave this guy in the dust is to simply block and delete him. Then, never think of him again. Of course, maybe it’s not that easy. If you’ve been dating on and off for a bit or you were really emotionally invested in him, walking away without another word is easier said than done. It’s hard to accept that no response is a response and not make excuses. If that’s the case for you, here are a few tips.

  1. Be upfront about how you feel. If he hasn’t responded to your positive texts, chances are you probably won’t hear back from him when you have something a little less friendly to say. However, it’s still important for you to voice your feelings. Tell him that you found his behavior disrespectful and upsetting. You can even say that you feel that he wasted your time. Point out how immature it is not to just be upfront and honest about the fact that he wasn’t feeling it. Chances are, you’ll feel a weight lifted off your shoulder once you voice this.
  2. Remind yourself that you’re better off without him. You might not believe it at first. However, the more you remind yourself of the bullet you dodged with this guy, the more you’ll begin to realize that it’s the truth. Think about how crappy he made you feel. How much he made you question yourself or made you feel like you aren’t good enough. Who wants to feel like that in a relationship? Not you.
  3. Block and delete him. After you’ve told him how you feel and gotten that off your chest, now it is time to go no contact for good. He probably wouldn’t ever message you again anyway. Still, you don’t even want to see this guy’s name on your phone or be reminded of his existence in any way. Get rid of him from your social media accounts. Block him on the dating app you met him on, and remove his number from your contacts list. Good riddance!
  4. Practice a bit of self-care. There’s never a bad time to look after yourself. However, having your feelings hurt is an especially important time. Be gentle with yourself. Journal your feelings and do some meditation. Remind yourself that you’re a worthy person. Anyone would be lucky to have you. He clearly doesn’t know what he’s missing. His loss! You’ll be long gone by the time he realizes he messed up.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.