If You’re Bad At Dating Me Now, What Would You Be Like In An Actual Relationship?

The thin line between casual dating and committed relationships can sometimes feel more like a leap between two tall buildings than a simple next step. The question is, does crossing the line from casual to committed really make that much of a difference if one person wasn’t that into it in the first place? After all, if you’re half-assing it in the dating phase, how can we ever have a fulfilling relationship?

1. The honeymoon is over before it’s even begun. The beginning of a relationship is typically the most exciting, that’s why it’s called the honeymoon phase! If the person I’m into doesn’t respond to my calls or texts quickly or doesn’t seem that excited to make plans with me, that’s a good indication that he’s not boyfriend material.
2. Changing a title doesn’t change anyone’s feelings in the long run. I’ve made the mistake of thinking slapping a title on a relationship will breathe new life into it. That’s simply not the case. Changing my relationship status on Facebook can feel gratifying at first, but it doesn’t change the way my significant other views me.
3. Putting more expectations on the relationship won’t make it more appealing. Let’s face it; making a relationship official comes with certain responsibilities for most people. I personally feel relationships should remain monogamous and lines of communication should be open at all times. Anyone that isn’t fully committed will see these changes as a restriction or a burden, not a positive next step.
4. Moving forward with someone that isn’t into the relationship can have long-term consequences. I shudder when I think back on the plans I made with people that weren’t as into being in a relationship as I was. I imagine the pain that would have come with moving on from the relationship if we had adopted pets together, rented an apartment, or even decided to get married. Planting roots with someone that isn’t all into the relationship makes for a very shaky foundation and I refuse to do it again.
5. One person will always be putting in most of the work. I’ve dated men in the past that made me feel like I was the center of the universe… until they actually “locked me down” by making the relationship official. After that, they got comfortable and stopped trying so hard to win my affections, leaving me feeling as if I was to blame. I’d spend my days trying to figure out where I went wrong, hoping I could get that initial spark back. In the end, these relationships were emotionally taxing and totally one-sided.
6. Every relationship comes with doubts, but they shouldn’t consume me. My past has taught me to be a little suspicious when it comes to new relationships. I’ve been lied to and cheated on and it’s turned me into a more skeptical person. Getting into a relationship with someone that doesn’t seem fully committed from the start will only leave room for more doubt and paranoia. If I have to second-guess everything you say and do (or don’t say and don’t do), there’s a problem.
7. Being in a half-assed relationship will leave me feeling more alone than ever. I’ve never been the type of person to enjoy being single for long periods of time. Because of that, I’ve dated a lot of duds that I knew weren’t totally right for me. Nothing has ever felt quite as isolating as being in a relationship with someone that wasn’t that into me. It was so much effort for so little reward and it just left me feeling empty. I deserve so much more, so if you can’t offer that, it’s better we end this here.
8. Why fix something that isn’t broken? I believe a big part of growing up is realizing that not everyone is going to like me for me. If you’re not giving your all, that’s not a reflection on me — it just means we don’t make a solid pair. This can be a very hard pill to swallow, especially when I’m crushing hard on someone. The fact is, I’ll never be able to carry the full weight of the relationship on my own, and why would I want to?
9. Half-assed relationships will always be more work than play. Relationships are supposed to be fun. Of course they can be hard work, but at the very core of each solid relationship is mutual love and respect. Settling for someone that doesn’t make me feel the love I deserve is never going to leave me feeling completely fulfilled. The bad times should never outweigh the good, or else why should either of us bother?
10. I deserve someone that’s willing to go all in from the very beginning. The only time my partner should leave me wanting more is when I have to kiss him goodbye for the night. Someone that truly loves me will always try to go that extra mile to make sure I’m happy and satisfied with the relationship. Anyone that only puts in half the effort during the dating phase is likely to continue behaving the same way, even if I slap a label on it. Deep down, I know what I deserve and it’s worth my while to keep looking for it.