Whether you pick up your dating advice from your mom, your best friends, the Internet, or you try to avoid it altogether, opinions abound. The problem is that everyone has different theories, and what holds true in one situation doesn’t necessarily apply to the next. Some advice remains valid no matter the circumstances (like respecting yourself), but in reality, there’s a lot of common dating advice out there that you should throw out the window.
- Don’t make the first move. Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing weird about wanting to be pursued and wined and dined. But there’s also nothing wrong with needing to make the first move sometimes because a lot of men are totally clueless. So clueless that you can probably make him think that it was all his idea, anyway.
- Give everyone a chance. As far as numbers go, yeah, it sounds reasonable to accept every single date that comes your way no matter how appalling the idea of spending a meal with him might be. And yes, sometimes people surprise us in really wonderful ways. But don’t take this so far that you end up settling for someone who doesn’t do it for you because you’re unclear about what you deserve.
- You should go for someone in your “league”. This is the sort of thing that when true will sort itself out pretty quickly. Even a real live prince is still just a man. Don’t bother defining anyone’s status before you get to know him, otherwise you risk shutting perfectly open doors.
- You need to make dating a priority. You mean, like, over work? Over all the wonderful loving people who are already in your life? Over your own well-being? If dating is important, then yes, there are efforts to be made. But it’s not like anyone is paying you to drop everything and speed date, so let’s be realistic here.
- You’re not getting any younger. Good one, neither are you. This is sort of like someone suggesting that you should be placing on the bestseller lists when you’re still brainstorming book ideas. It’s a process and it’s yours, not anyone else’s.
- It takes time to build attraction. Well, not necessarily. Maybe in some circumstances, people choose to be together and then find a new element to their love that breeds a different kind of attraction, but no one should be forcing themselves to get down with someone that doesn’t light your fire. A deep connection isn’t devalued simply because you have the mega hots for them, too.
- Don’t sleep with him too soon. If there was a magic number for this sort of thing, you’d better believe you would have already heard about its magic success rates. There is no “too soon”. If it happened and he ditched you because of it, then it was perfect timing and saved you the hassle of having to deal with that jerk for another week.
- You should have at least one one-night stand. See how conflicting this advice is? Keep it in your pants, except for one time just to have an “experience”. Have all the one-night stands you want, if you want. If you don’t then good grief don’t bother forcing yourself into a potentially awkward and bizarre sexual encounter.
- Play coy. You shouldn’t be playing anything, okay? Maybe what they mean is don’t throw everything and the kitchen sink onto the table within the first five minutes, but that holds true with every other type of relationship, from new friends to coworkers.
- Always look your best in case you run into your soul mate at the grocery store. It would be awesome if we all had a glam squad ready and waiting in our homes to give us the glam treatment at any time of day. Most of us don’t. Your real soul mate isn’t going to hold back from talking to you since you’re sweaty post workout, so live your life and don’t worry so much.
