Lots of us out there have dated sociopaths before, and we probably didn’t realize it until it was too late. The thing is, these kinds of people are really good at hiding their issues, which is why you need to know the signs that the guy you’re with just isn’t quite right.
He’s an easy lover. He’s gonna wine you, dine you, and make you think you’re the best thing on earth. Naturally, you’re going to believe it, but there’s likely to be a little nagging voice in the back of your head telling you that he’s moving way too fast than what’s considered normal. There’s true love and all that, and then there’s this guy. Pay attention to the voices in your head in this case.
Naturally, he loves every single thing that you love. It’s like you guys are soul twins. Cut from the same cloth. Destined to be together because you’ve found your universe mate, and the very gods themselves have put you two together. Or at least that’s how he’s going to present it to you. This guy probably has no interests outside of those who belong to the women he dates, and that’s scary AF. It’s called “mirroring,” and that’s also terrifying.
He’s got the most epic sob story you’ve ever heard. And naturally, he’s always the victim. Last year it was identity theft, which forced him to close all of his accounts, kill his credit and move into his mother’s basement. Six months after that, his ex-girlfriend was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Then he fell into the arms of his dead ex’s BFF who was apparently some kind of international spy and cleaned out his bank accounts and robbed him blind. You’re forced to pity him because he’s manipulating you into doing so, but don’t be confused: it’s a clever ploy, and it generally works.
He’s a god in bed. You might wonder why you’d wanna be running away from someone who’s fab in the sack, and here’s why. Just two words. “Christian Grey.” He might not need to tie you up and tease you with a feather duster, but the intent is there and he wants to impress the hell out of you. But plan on things changing when he realizes he has you hooked.
He’s taking you away from your loved ones. If he’s trying to separate you from your friends and family because they just don’t appreciate you like he does, hit the ground running. He’s trying to take away your support system. Nobody worth having in your life is going to try and divide you from the relationships that you know in your gut are beneficial ones.
Ever hear of “hoovering?” Oh, hey, another real thing. “Hoovering” is a tactic used by sociopaths — or garden variety jackasses — and is basically a power play to keep you interested. The person in question will either threaten to leave you, or leave you for a small period of time, or continually say “we need a break” but fail to make good on the threats. It’s the constant need for the upper hand in this case, and a sociopath wants that so much.
Your early romance is gonna be straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. Until it’s not. Once he realizes that he’s got you hooked, you’re no more the heroine of this story than he is the gentile man who’s good through and through. Sorry to say, but the fairytale ends once you make it look like you’re going to commit. Don’t even bother dealing with this. Get out before you’re hooked and close the door firmly behind you no matter what grandiose gestures he makes.
He’s a master emotional manipulator. Ever go into a situation or a confrontation where you know that what you’ve done or said was the right thing, and all you wanted to do was clear the air and make your point known? Well, with this type of person you’re going to walk away stripped of your confidence and worse, scratching your head over why you ended up apologizing for something you didn’t even do.
He doesn’t know how to react in normal situations. Instead, he defers to you and how you react. If you’re freaking out, he’s gonna freak out too. If you’re crying, he’s going to cry too. If there’s a building burning somewhere and people are pulling faces and fretting, not knowing what to do, he won’t either. He thrives on emulating what’s “normal” depending on each circumstance.
Your gut just tells you that there’s something not right about this guy. Listen to your intuition. It’s better to err on the side of caution than have to deal with a broken plate that was thrown against the wall because he decided to flip out over … well, you’re not even sure what. Listen to that little voice. It’ll rarely steer you wrong.