10 Signs Of Emotional Attraction And Why Your Relationship Needs It

We all know beauty fades, but attraction doesn’t have to. Emotional attraction is attraction towards someone’s personality, mind, and ideas. Unlike physical attraction, it’s an allure based on a deep interest in who someone is on the inside, not the outside. Here’s how to spot the signs of emotional attraction and why it’s so essential in every relationship.

  1. You never run out of things to talk about. Whether you just met or you’ve known each other for years, conversation seems to flow naturally. Regardless of the topic, your conversations together are always entertaining and thought-provoking. It feels like you can talk for hours, and even when you do, you hardly notice the time passing.
  2. They feel like a friend (that you’re attracted to). When it comes to physical and sexual attraction, the interest can sometimes be only skin-deep. You’re into their looks, but their thoughts and feelings? Not so much. When you’re emotionally attracted to someone, you share a friendship-like bond based on respect, kindness, and understanding. But still, they don’t feel like just a friend. There’s an extra spark that you experience with them that you have with no one else.
  3. You just “get” each other. When there’s emotional attraction, it can feel like you both innately understand each other. You can share your opinions, goals, and fears, and they’ll understand and support you. And you have plenty of interests and passions in common. You may even find that you finish each other’s sentences because you think so much alike.
  4. You admire their ideas. If you’re captivated by their ideas, you’re probably emotionally attracted to them. You love to hear their thoughts and opinions, and you trust their input when asking for advice. Hearing their ideas never gets boring, and you love learning about their perspective on the world.
  5. You can be yourself with them. Usually, when we’re only physically attracted to someone, we try to make ourselves seem physically attractive to them too. We put extra effort into looking perfect while trying our best to hide our quirks. When your attraction is based on an emotional connection, the approach is different. You find yourself wanting to flaunt your quirks instead of concealing them, knowing that the other person will appreciate them.
  6. You don’t judge them for their bad days. A large part of emotional attraction is actually emotional—you don’t care about their image or appearance. Instead, you’re attracted to their heart and mind. You accept that they’re vulnerable and emotional at times, and you know that this is just them being authentic. And because your emotional bond is so strong, you can support and empathize with them on their worst days. Even when they’re ugly crying, to you they’re still beautiful.
  7. They inspire you to be better. If you’re emotionally attracted to someone, one of the biggest signs is that you’ll find yourself admiring their unique personality traits, goals, and ideas. And you might admire them so much that you find yourself feeling motivated to work on yourself, too. If they’re extra generous, you may feel inspired to give to others. Or if they’re passionate about their job, you might start pursuing a new type of work you love. Wanting to grow together is one positive consequence of emotional attraction. Just be careful to not lose yourself in the process.
  8. You have the same core values. At the root of emotional attraction is often shared core values. This is a major part of why you feel so drawn and connected to each other. If you have the same values related to your actions, life priorities, and future dreams, it’s easy to form a meaningful and long-lasting relationship.
  9. You’re always laughing together. Almost nothing is as attractive as a partner who can make you laugh. Sharing the same sense of humor can trigger emotional attraction because humor is related to our intellect. In other words, when you’re able to laugh at the same jokes, you feel connected mentally, not only superficially. You might even have a lot of inside jokes that no one else knows or understands.
  10. It feels like your love for them only grows bigger over time. Emotional attraction is being attracted to who someone is on the inside. So it’s no surprise that, as you get to know each other better, you fall in love more and more. Physical and sexual attraction are completely different. With physical or sexual attraction, you might feel overwhelming chemistry in the beginning. But over time, that infatuation fades.
  11. Relationships need emotional attraction to thrive. If you want a healthy, sustainable relationship, emotional attraction is essential. A deeper, emotional bond can create more trust, compassion, and stability, compared to a relationship built primarily on physical attraction. To encourage emotional attraction with your partner, spend time together talking and sharing ideas. Discuss your goals, interests, and feelings. And try new and exciting experiences together. When you focus on the signs of emotional attraction, you can keep falling in love again and again.
Relationship educator, writer, host of the Relationship Reminders podcast, and mental health advocate hailing from the US and currently based in Tokyo