It sometimes feels like you should keep your enemies close and your friends closer ’cause some of them are actually pretending to care about you. There are many fakers around and you don’t need them in your life. But how do you spot them? Well, here are 10 signs that someone in your social circle is a secret hater and not a true friend. While you’re cleaning up your friends list, maybe burn some sage so you can remove all their negative energy, okay?
1. They’re Quick To Judge You.
Around this friend, do you usually feel judged? You can’t really tell them what you’re feeling or going through ’cause they wouldn’t understand – or they’d make you feel stupid. Maybe you leave a conversation feeling drained or unsettled. That could be your gut alerting you that they’re not being real. Yikes. Although they pretend to have your back and to love you so much, they’re actually always putting you down.
2. They Never Compliment You.
It’s great to compliment friends and receive some praise in return ’cause it makes you feel good, especially if your love language is words of affirmation. But a secret hater isn’t going to make you feel good by congratulating you for a job well done or saying you dress really well. You always feel like you’re not sure how they really feel about you.
3. They Tell You What You Want To Hear.
On the flip side, maybe your so-called friend is always ready to build you up. She’ll tell you how amazing/beautiful/smart you are, which might be great at surface level but it feels like she’s not being genuine – maybe because she’s always waxing lyrical and her words are losing meaning. She could be doing this to make you think she’s a stand-up friend, even though she’s not.
4. They Try To Make You Look Bad.
When hanging out in a group, your “friend” always puts you down, even though she might mask her comments as “jokes.” So, she might say that you always make things difficult because you’re vegan, or she might laugh sarcastically at all your jokes. Or, maybe your friend shows people the unflattering selfie they took of the two of you, even though they clearly Photoshopped themselves to look better. Yikes.
5. They Deflate Your Balloons.
How does your so-called friend treat you when you’re happy and having fun? Does she join in with your celebrations? If she’s not a real friend, she’s going to try to bring you down. So, she might see that you’re happy about your new haircut and say something like, “It looks great – it softens your hard face.” Um, what? Fakers and haters love using backhanded compliments to make you feel crap.
6. They Compete With You.
A bit of friendly competition can be fun and healthy in friendships, but a secret hater will try to beat you at everything to make you feel bad. So, they’ll get a hotter/nicer/smarter boyfriend than yours (so silly), or they’ll tell you that they jogged three times a week instead of just once like you did, or they’ll see your new car and point out that theirs has extra features. It never freaking ends!
7. They’re Nicer When You’re Unhappy.
Although your secret hater won’t support you when you’re celebrating a victory (they can’t handle you being happy), they’ll hang around and be super caring when you’re going through a tough time, like when you’ve lost your job or had a dramatic breakup. They’re not supporting you, though – they’re delighted that you’re having a rough time because they love drama.
8. They Disagree With You About Everything.
No matter what you say, your secret hater will find ways to disagree with you. So, you’ll say you’re going to Italy for the summer and they’ll say you should rather go to Greece. They’ll tell you that you should initiate contact with a guy you’re dating, even though that’s not your vibe. And, when you disagree with them, they make you feel stupid. Ugh.
9. They Never Get Real With You.
A secret hater isn’t going to be real with you, so they’ll avoid deep, meaningful conversations. They won’t confide in you about their secrets, either. Conversations with them are focused on surface chatter and small talk. You usually leave interactions feeling like you haven’t had a real conversation at all and that your friend doesn’t even know you. They’re deliberately keeping you at arm’s length.
10. Their Body Language Is Off.
When you’re in a group setting, you might notice that your “friend” sometimes rolls their eyes at you or smirks at what you’re saying when they think you’re not looking at them. Yikes. Even though they seem to say all the right things, you just get the feeling from their body language that they’re not being real. Listen to your gut and try to pay more attention to what they’re doing. You shouldn’t have to put up with their nasty behavior.
