Signs You’re In A Go-Nowhere Textationship

Textationships are the worst. Basically, your entire relationship exists through constant flirty texts. You haven’t really ever actually hung out. If you have, it was only for a short time and it isn’t a regular thing. These types of relationships can be fun, of course. It can make you feel like it’s going somewhere, but is it?

What is a textationship?

A textationship is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: a relationship that takes place entirely over text. Things are hot and heavy in your messages. You’re in regular contact, your conversations are deep and thought-provoking, and it’s clear you want to be together. The problem is that it never translates into the real world. You’re never physically together and you can’t actually say you’re “with” them. It’s all talk and no action, and it’s a massive waste of time.

Signs you’re in a textationship that’s going nowhere fast

  1. You sext all the time but have never actually had sex. You can have hot and steamy text convos on a regular basis. However, if you never actually touch each other, there’s a good chance that you’re never actually going to sleep together. Usually the real sex comes first. If it hasn’t, you’re probably just using each other for some quick fun.
  2. One or both of you is always “busy.” People make time for the things they want to make time for. Being too busy to ever actually hang out is a good indication that things are going nowhere. That’s the case even if you text literally all day and night. It’s nice to have someone to chat to, of course. It can even feel like a real relationship is being built. However, if you’re never able to find time to be in the same room together, it’s going nowhere. You’re in a textationship, simple as that.
  3. Or, you just never actually try to make plans. You’re both talking about your days and getting to know every little detail about each other via text. Still, you’re never actually trying to make plans. That makes it pretty clear that neither of you are all that excited to get together. It’s one thing to be afraid to be the first one to go for it, but somebody has to bite the bullet. If no one does, you’re wasting valuable time.
  4. Sometimes one of you just stops texting for a bit. Communication is flowing freely and you talk almost every day. Then, for one reason or another, you go a week or even weeks without talking at all. That’s not a good sign that something strong was forming through all those late night text chats. In reality, it’s a sign that all it was just a digital relationship from the get-go.
  5. Or, the communication slows over time. You go from texting every single day to a few times a week. Eventually, the only way you’re communicating is through social media posts and messaging apps. This is a clear-cut sign of a textationship. You really should get off the train if you’re looking for something real.
  6. You Snapchat each other more than you actually talk. This is a red flag that your relationship is going no further than cyberspace. Snapchat is fun, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t make a relationship. Even if you can spend hours going back and forth, it’s just a time killer. It’s as simple as that.
  7. You feel taken but you’re also lonely. You feel as though you have a real connection with the other half of your textationship. But, due to the fact that you never actually see each other, you’re also lonely, horny, and could use a good cuddle. If you don’t know where you stand because you feel as though calling this guy your boyfriend is absurd, then that’s your answer.
  8. You’re constantly wondering if he’s actually dating other people. He has so much time to text you but isn’t actually making any time to see you. If that sounds familiar, you’ve probably considered the possibility that someone else is in the picture. He could be physically seeing other people and only chatting with you because he’s bored or lonely. If you’ve felt this way, it’s time to accept that he’s otherwise occupied in real life.
  9. You feel like you know him but are terrified to actually meet up. Maybe it’s been a long time since you’ve hung out or you’ve never met him in person. Either way, you feel as though you know everything about him. That terrifies you because when you do finally hang out, what’s there left to talk about? If you’ve talked about anything and everything under the sun but still haven’t made the time to go on an actual date, move on.
  10. You know it’s a lazy way to get to know someone. If it’s lazy from the beginning, just imagine how unfulfilling it would be overall? Textationships aren’t meant to go long-term or even turn into something. They’re meant to kill time. So if you ever find yourself stuck in one, get out and fast. You’re just putting your good energy into something that’s never going to happen.
  11. When you call him, he never answers. The guy only seems to be available via text. It’s so weird. When you call him in the hope of putting a voice to him or increasing your connection, the call always goes to voicemail. Then he texts you back a few minutes later and tries to start a conversation. What the hell?
  12. He can never commit to your date suggestions. When you suggest meeting up again in person, he seems keen. However, when you take a closer look at his messages you notice that he loves saying “maybe” or “perhaps” you can meet soon without any set plans being made. He also leaves you hanging by saying things like, “I’ll let you know if I can see you this week.” He’s stalling!
  13. He doesn’t add you on social media. You’ve been chatting for what feels like ages and you know he’s on Facebook but he never adds you or follows you on his social media accounts. It’s like he wants to keep you stuck in one part of his life: texting. The rest is off limits. Why the shady behavior?
  14. Your friends think you’re in a long-distance relationship. When you tell your friends about this guy, they assume he lives in another country because you’ve never met in real life. You’re acting like you’re in a long-distance relationship with this guy when you’re in the same city! Is he just too lazy or uninterested in spending time with you.
  15. He loves to go deep. A guy who wants to chat with you all the time and about serious issues might make you feel like he’s interested in developing a deeper level of intimacy, but you risk this being the deepest it’ll go. It still feels like you’re getting less than you deserve because you’re not actually dating.
  16. He’s all about TMI. You give each other loads of info about yourselves—some of it is actually TMI, like those late-night naked selfies. It feels safe to have these exchanges with the guy because he’s so keen to learn more about you, but ask yourself: isn’t oversharing with a guy you don’t even go on dates with risking your spark and connection being killed? Where’s the mystery? You should be with someone who wants the relationship to progress in a real way—and in real life.
  17. You’re feeling texting anxiety. After a while of texting this guy who never makes future plans to be with you, you’re sure to start feeling texting anxiety. You worry that he could just stop texting at any time, and why shouldn’t he? If he’s not asking you out and making plans to see you, it means he’s satisfied with keeping you as a texting buddy. You’re literally at arm’s length while he’s typing up messages to you. He clearly doesn’t feel the need to bring you closer.
  18. You’re holding on for a repeat of the few amazing dates you had. Maybe you’ve had some great dates with this guy before you ended up stuck in the texting zone. You’re hoping that all the energy and data you’re spending on this guy will result in more of those amazing dates. The only problem is, it’s been weeks of this back and forth texting and nothing’s really come of it. Get out now before you waste even more of your time on this dead-end guy.
  19. He’s there… but not really. When you’re at a rock concert, you tell him all about it as though he’s sitting next to you. When you go to your friend’s wedding, you text him throughout the night as though he was your plus-one for the evening. You’re always including him in your life and he does the same with you—you feel like you know his friends, family, and even his pets — but he’s not actually there. While it feels like you’re building something with this guy, you never know what he’s really doing in the spaces between texts, and who with.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.