10 Things To Know Before Dating A Perfectionist

Dating a perfectionist can be a challenging experience as they tend to apply the pressure for things to be 100% right to absolutely everything. However, while there are some downsides to having this personality type, there are also plenty of rewards if you can find the patience and understanding necessary. Here are some things to know before dating a perfectionist.

  1. Flexibility isn’t their strength. Perfectionists like plans and they like to stick to them. It’s very challenging when plans change, so last-minute amendments are hard for them. They don’t tolerate them very well and tend to get stressed out. If you’re super late or decide at the last minute you want to go to another restaurant, they won’t like this. Do your best to keep things on schedule and not vary too much from what was planned. It’ll be better for everyone this way.
  2. Positive reinforcement is helpful. These kind of people are their own worst critics. People who chase perfection constantly think that they aren’t good enough. A simple compliment goes a really long way in helping them feel good about themselves. This perks them up and reminds them that they are actually good enough. They’ll likely even return the kindness in the form of compliments for you too!
  3. Be gentle when imperfections show. They’re human so their imperfections are going to show. The difference is that they’re going to feel really insecure and embarrassed about it. They’re going to beat themselves up more than what you could ever say to them. Because of this, it’s important to be super gentle with them when their stuff comes out to play. Do your best to be patient, tolerant, and loving.
  4. They’ll want to make plans ahead of time. Perfectionists love planning. They’ll want to put together all of the details of your next date or have you put them together. It’ll stress them out to no end if you two don’t have a date planned and you’re just winging it. Definitely be sure to plot your next date, maybe even while you’re on your current one. This will just give them the most peace of mind.
  5. How they’re doing doesn’t always match their outsides. These sort of people are very good at masking how they’re really feeling. They want everyone to think they’re doing okay at all times. They don’t want to rock the boat or draw attention to themselves when it comes to emotional matters. As a result of this, you’ll have to pay extra close attention when you think they may be upset. There will be little signs if you look close enough.
  6. They may spend more time at work than you’d like. It’s important to know going into a relationship with a perfectionist that they may end up being a workaholic. They may partially be in a relationship with their job. This is something you’re going to have to accept as a fact of reality because they’re unlikely to change. They often only stop working so much when they’ve reached the point of being totally burnt out, and this may never happen.
  7. They have super high standards. Pickiness isn’t uncommon for these kinds of folks. They often choose their partners very wisely, being super concerned with picking the right one. So, pat yourself on the back if they’re dating you. It means they think you’re the bee’s knees. I mean, they’re quick to judge perceived flaws and they won’t date someone who they think is full of them. Since they’re with you, they think you’re good.
  8. They likely have a lively social media presence. Arranging their social media to be perfect is a symptom of perfectionism. They want everyone to see them as this awesome human. Of course, this is a natural thing to a degree, but they take it to a whole other extreme. They put a lot of pressure on themselves to be just right online. They need to take the perfect pictures and say just the right thing. It’s pretty exhausting to watch.
  9. They like to be in control. This may drive you crazy after a while. They may want to always pick out plans as well as take control over conversations about your relationship. They likely will want to be in the driver’s seat more often than not. Hopefully your personality isn’t too controlling either, otherwise, you’re going to butt heads. Although they like being in control, they aren’t totally incapable of sharing the seat of power.
  10. You’ll probably receive excellent gifts. One cool thing about dating a perfectionist is that they obsess about gifts they’re going to give. They think about it for weeks on end and do their best to get the absolute perfect gift. You can always count on it at least being very thoughtful and your partner really hoping that you’ll like it. There may be some pressure to return the favor, but don’t worry, you don’t have to drive yourself crazy like they do.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.