Things started off well—you had tons in common, you loved being together, and you had fantastic chemistry. However, lately things have gone sour and no matter what you do, you can’t put your finger on what’s wrong. Maybe nothing’s wrong—you’ve just outgrown the relationship. Here’s how you know that’s the case:
You both see yourself in completely different places. There’s always the possibility that this could work out, but it’s pretty rare. If you see yourself moving to New York to pursue acting and he wants to settle down in Minneapolis, go to grad school, and start a family, you’re clearly on different pages. It’s better to end it now.
There are so many other things you’d rather do than hang out with him. I’m talking work, taking out the garbage, painting your nails… anything. The thought of seeing him has become something you dread because you’re going to have to give him attention you don’t want to give. He’s become more of a friend to you and you’re afraid because he doesn’t seem to see that yet.
Texting or calling him is a chore. It’s not as hard as hanging out with him but it’s similar. You’re not excited to text him about how your life is going and who said what today. You find yourself doing the bare minimum and keeping him only updated on the basics. This is even worse if he feels the same way and you both just don’t care to talk to each other at all.
You never feel like saying “I love you” anymore. If you do, it’s forced and not truly meant. You say it because he said it or because you know you haven’t in a while. Maybe at this point, you don’t even realize you don’t feel that way anymore, but it’s probably a sign you should think about it. Something you used to get so excited to say, you can’t even remember now.
And when he says it, you don’t feel anything. There used to be a huge spark when you heard those three words. I mean, remember the first time he said it? That was seriously magical, but the pain quickly sets in when you think about that and compare it to how you feel now: nothing much at all. It’s just something that’s said to you and that you have to reply to, and that’s it.
You’re not excited about your future with him. Even more than that, you never talk about it either. Both of you are just kind of living in the moment, scared to address what comes next. In your minds, you probably both already know where that conversation will lead and neither of you is quite ready to go there.
The single life is starting to sound tempting to you. You see your friends going on dates and talking about crazy new loves while you’re stuck in something that has no stories. You have nothing new to tell because you and your S.O. just kind-of… are. You miss those nights where you got to get dressed up and talk to whoever you wanted.
When you need to talk to someone, your guy isn’t your go-to. You might not even realize it but once you do, it’s kinda depressing. Now, when something crazy happens, your mom or best friend is the first one on the phone with you. By the time you get around to telling your S.O. (if you even do), it’s just a gloss-over summary because you don’t really care if he knows or not. You’re not excited to share things with him anymore and honestly, it’s more of an obligation than anything.
You feel like he doesn’t understand you anymore & vice-versa. The two of you have grown up so much while being together and sadly, you’ve also grown apart. You found new things to be interested in and they’re so different than before. Instead of being able to talk for hours about your lives, you just can’t seem to wrap your heads around who the other has become. This is the thing that causes so many fights between you now and you find yourself questioning why you stay. Easy answer? You shouldn’t.
You’ve been contemplating just ending it for a while now. You’ve grown up and your fun was definitely had with each other. You learned so much from being together and it was amazing while you were, but now you can’t seem to figure out why you’re trying to keep it going. All the excuses you make up in your head aren’t believable to anyone, especially not yourself. The amount of times you’ve thought out breaking up is insane, and you could probably write the book on the perfect way to do it. If that’s where you are, stop hurting your heart and just leave.
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