11 New Relationship Rules For The Strong, Independent Woman To Live By

11 New Relationship Rules For The Strong, Independent Woman To Live By ©iStock/Yuri Arcurs

When it comes to ensuring your love life is happy and healthy, you need to put yourself first. You can’t let someone walk all over you and mess with your head. While decades before may have urged women to grin and bear it, this is 2015 and you don’t have time to smile and let crap roll off your back. You’re worth more than that. You don’t deserve to be banging your head against the wall hoping someone will change when it’s clearly not in their DNA to do so. It’s time to take a stand. Here are the new relationship rules you need to follow to keep your heart and brain in a good place.

1. If he cheats, it’s over.

There’s no room for a three-strike rule when it comes to relationships. There is a world full of people who wouldn’t think of doing such a thing, so ditch the one who cheats even once. And it’s not just sleeping with someone else, either — there are many different types of cheating, and every last one of them is unacceptable.

2. If he doesn’t support your goals, move on.

It’s one thing to be on different pages when it comes to you and your partner’s goals, but it’s another thing if he doesn’t support the direction you’re heading. Relationships are about support, and if he can’t do that, you need to say goodbye. You have a lot of things you plan on achieving in this life — if he’s not lucky enough to be there by your side, sucks to be him.

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4. If he doesn’t bring positivity to your life, find someone who will.

Being with a killjoy is just going to kill your own sense of self. Don’t stick around for that BS. This is one of the best new relationship rules to follow because there’s nothing worse than getting stuck with a major Debbie Downer.

5. If he doesn’t care, neither should you.

A major key that makes relationships work is actually caring about the person you’re with and the relationship you have with them. If your partner can’t do that, why waste your time? Someone else is going to care tenfold. You won’t have to beg them or fight them to do it, either.

6. If he doesn’t like your friends and family, it’s a dealbreaker.

Your friends and family have been around way longer than this new person in your life. They’ve been through everything with you and they love you unconditionally. If someone else can’t see how important they are to you and can’t learn to love them, it’s a problem.

7. If he makes you feel inferior, hold your head high and walk away.

You are not inferior, and anyone who makes you feel that way is dealing with his own insecurities. He needs to work that out on his own; you can’t fix someone else’s issues with himself.

8. If he’s abusive in any way, don’t stand for it.

While you may not be able to press charges against someone for verbally abusing you (although you should), if someone physically abuses you, take legal action. Do not try to talk yourself out of it and make excuses for them. And most importantly, get out of there.

9. If he makes you second guess yourself, then tell him.

It’s hard enough to know exactly who are, so if you have someone who’s making you feel like every choice you make or everything you say is wrong, then tell him. If he can’t see the damage he’s causing, then drop him. You can stand on your own two feet and that’s something you should never second guess.

10. If he humiliates you, take your leave.

Whether he humiliates you in the presence of others or behind closed doors, that is never okay behavior. It doesn’t matter if he claims he was “just joking” or accuses you of being too sensitive. He’s bad news and you’re not going to put up with it.

11. If he has substance abuse problems, give him an ultimatum.

While it’s important to support someone who may be suffering from addiction, if he doesn’t want to help himself, you can’t do it for him. You can only give so much. He needs to get help or you need to walk away before you give too much of yourself that you’re depleted. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first.

12. If he loves you 100%, don’t be afraid to do the same.

When you find someone who loves you, supports you emotionally, respects you, and wouldn’t think of hurting you, love him with everything you have. It’s not easy to find true love, so when it comes your way, don’t be scared to give it your all. Falling in love is always a risk, but if you feel in your heart that this person is worth it, then go for it.

Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.