12 Dating Power Moves That Actually Make You A Jerk

12 Dating Power Moves That Actually Make You A Jerk ©iStock/Wavebreakmedia

The dating scene can definitely feel like a war zone sometimes, so it’s only natural that we put up barriers and play games in an attempt to protect ourselves. It doesn’t generally work, and it’s possible to be cautious to the point where you actually seem like a complete jerk. So how do you know if you’re going about finding love all wrong? Here are 12 dating power moves that you need to avoid:

  1. Dominating the conversation all the time. Obviously you want your date to know how awesome you are to win him over, but it can’t be all about you. Dating is about getting to know each other, so let your date talk and actually listen to what he has to say. Talking about yourself too much just comes across as being too self-involved.
  2. Canceling dates or leaving someone on the back burner regularly. If you like going out and being social, then you might be tempted to make backup plans in case the ones you previously made don’t work out. However, this is really rude and becomes obvious when your date realizes he can never reach you unless you want him to.
  3. Playing hard to get constantly. It’s one thing to leave him wanting more in the very beginning, but after a certain period of time, you know if you like someone. If you’re still playing mind games to make him chase you just so you feel wanted, then you’re being selfish and immature and not letting him find someone who’s truly into him.
  4. Demanding that he’s always available. We always want to be wanted, but hate when others leave us hanging. If you find yourself being a hypocrite in this department, then fix it. You can’t disappear for days on end and then expect a response from him within 15 minutes when you finally decide to get in touch. It doesn’t work like that, so get over yourself.
  5. Putting on the “read receipt” but purposely not responding. Sometimes you might forget, and it’s actually an innocent mistake. Other times, people like to constantly have the upper hand, even in silly things like texting. If you’re purposely allowing him to see when you read his messages but you don’t answer to make him sweat, then you’re on a weird power trip and it needs to stop.
  6. Hiding your intentions with someone to keep them on the hook. So you know you’re not into him, but he treats you well and makes you feel good about yourself when you’re feeling down, so you don’t say anything. This is pretty messed up since you’re essentially using a nice person. If you’re not interested romantically,  just be straight up with them and say you want to be friends.
  7. Cheating, plain and simple. Sometimes cheating is just about opportunity, but it could also be about power — the power to have someone else on the side while he’s still giving his all to you and the power to hurt someone you may claim to love. It’s one of the most terrible things you can do to someone, so don’t go there.
  8. Gaslighting him when you know he’s right. If you were caught in a lie but continue to deny doing anything wrong, then you’re guilty of gaslighting. It’s actually a form of mental abuse, making your victim doubt their own memory, sanity, or perception. Just be truthful and quit the head games!
  9. Ghosting a person you’ve been seeing. It’s one thing to disappear on someone you don’t really know too well because you don’t really owe him anything. It’s another thing to completely disappear on someone you have a relationship with or have been seeing a few months. At this point, he’s probably earned some amount of respect, so give it by being honest and breaking things off like an adult.
  10. Never allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Not opening up about your feelings or talking too much about your personal life might seem tempting. You’re less likely to get hurt by people when you don’t let them in too close, but it also keeps you from really having a loving and trusting relationship.
  11. Not letting your ex move on. We usually want to be “the one that got away” for at least one of our exes. It makes us feel desirable to know someone out there is probably still thinking about us even though the relationship is through. But if you’re purposely sticking around and ruining your ex’s chances to move on without any intention of getting back with him, then you’re playing a cruel game.
  12. Never taking “no” for an answer. It’s important to respect other people’s boundaries, so if someone is telling you he’s not into you, don’t hassle him in hopes of changing his mind. If you don’t, it’s called harassment.
Nicole Weaver is a staff writer for YourTango and regularly contributes to Hollywood, The Bolde, and Proud2BMe. She is a lover of all things entertainment meaning she spends most of her nights in New York binge watching television shows. Follow her on Twitter at @nikkibernice.