There’s a common misconception held by a lot of women (and men) that being in a relationship will solve all your problems and make you happy. I even subscribed to this misguided notion myself for a while until I realized how foolish that was.
- I was in a bad place. I was at a bit of a weird stage of my life where I was stuck in a rut doing the same old things with the same people and to be honest, I wasn’t really living. I was spending all my waking hours working in a job that I actively despised and that didn’t suit my skillset. I was basically just kind of coasting through life, desperately waiting for it to get better and thinking that if I could just find a boyfriend, it would.
- I was looking for love. It had been a while since I was in a relationship and I was ready to find my next great love. I thought dating would bring a bit of sunshine to my entirely dull existence, so I was out there actively looking for a guy to sweep in and be my own personal Prince Charming.
- I met a seemingly great guy who made me believe we had a future together. It wasn’t long before I met a guy who was kind, sweet, funny, and who in all honesty seemed too good to be true. (It turns out he was, but we’ll get to that later!) Everything was great at first. He was everything I was looking for and more. We wanted the same things in life and he always hinted that he could see us being a long-term thing. I was thrilled because I felt the same… at first anyway.
- It wasn’t long before cracks began to show. We were only a couple of months into our rendezvous when things started to go wrong. The first thing I noticed was his ability to go from hot to cold in an instant. One minute he was all over me and showering me with affection and the next minute he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. It was starting to seriously mess with my head.
- I realized he wasn’t fixing any of my problems. I thought being with a man would automatically fix all the things that weren’t going great for me at that moment. It turns out, being in a relationship doesn’t magically solve all your problems. In fact, it can create them. I know it seems obvious now but when I was in the situation, this basic truth was a total epiphany.
- He’d actually become another one of my problems. Instead of him helping me to get my life in order like I thought he would, he actually started to create chaos. Suddenly, as well as trying to deal with all my original problems, I was trying to deal with him being a jerk to me for absolutely no reason. I was more stressed, anxious, and upset than I had been when I was single.
- I had to take charge of my life and solve my own problems. As time went on, he just became more and more distant. As I fought harder for the relationship, he pulled away. I realized pretty quickly that we weren’t compatible, but I also realized something else that had nothing to with him: I had to solve my own problems. I was wrong for expecting so much of this one guy. I thought he would help me along the way, but it had become obvious that I had to work on my issues myself.
- I eventually met someone better. I parted ways with my ex and it was only a matter of time before I met someone else who I was actually compatible with. This time around, I left him out of my personal drama. Still, even though he wasn’t trying to help me solve my problems, he automatically did resolve many of them by virtue of the way he was treating me. Everything was so much clearer and felt so much more straightforward with him. Because all he did was try to make me happy—something he succeeded at on a daily basis—it made the other areas of my life a lot easier to deal with. It was then that I realized that the right guy won’t solve your problems but he’ll help you to solve them yourself along the way.
- He adds to my life instead of taking away from it. Being with my new guy also made me realize how important it is not to be with a guy who becomes a problem or adds to your existing ones. If he makes life so much more simple for you, then that’s how you know that you’ve found a keeper.
