When a guy comes on too strong at the start of a relationship, it’s a huge red flag for me. Immediately, I don’t trust that the guy has genuine intentions. Here are 12 reasons an overzealous guy falling in love too fast makes me sure the relationship is sure to die a quick death.
It’s too much too soon.
Slow and steady wins the relationship race, it’s true. If a guy is trying too hard to show me how much he likes me, it’s hard to believe. I want to see him make a consistent effort over time, not drown me in it all at once. It makes me worry that he’s trying to distract me from who he really is with lots of charm and flair. It’s a one-man circus.
Too much of a good thing turns rotten.
It’s date three and he wants to call all the time and see me every day. Whoa, that’s just too much. I want a relationship to bloom, not burst into flower so quickly. If we’re having so much fun all the time, it’s like we’re using it all up. What’s going to happen in a month or two? Will we become those couples who have nothing to say to each other because we’ve been texting so much?
He’s going to self-destruct.
In my experience, a guy who seems to be smitten with me from the first minute of meeting me ends up self-destructing. He’s crazy about me one minute and then next, he’s ghosting me. WTF happened in between? A lot of things — he’s got issues! He might be a commitment-phobe or a player who had feelings for me but his jerk tendencies were stronger than his desire to be my boyfriend. Yup, they win every time.
He seems desperate.
A guy who comes on too strongly gives off the scent of desperation, which has me heading out the door really quickly. Thanks for playing!
Love has to be a slow burn.
I want the type of love that builds slowly. I want to enjoy every part of a relationship: when we start dating, the honeymoon phase, the first milestone. If we rush in, we’re basically just missing out on all the cool things that we should be experiencing. Why the rush, anyway?
He probably only wants sex.
I knew a guy who was so crazy about me, but then when I wouldn’t sleep with him right away, he bolted. That explains his “crazy” feelings for me. The guy wasn’t mad about me at all, he just was crazy about scoring.
Things become boring.
All those calls, gifts, and compliments start to feel insincere — and boring, quite frankly. I’d rather a guy really gets to know me before he gives me so much attention and makes it count so it actually means something. It’s like eating chocolate. I love chocolate, but too much makes me feel sick and not want to look at it for a long time.
Those future plans fade — fast.
I’ve been told that if a guy sees me in his future, he’ll make plans ahead of time with me. That’s great, but if it’s May and he’s making plans for 2019 when we’ve only been going out for a while, that’s a worry. He’s getting ahead of himself and unlikely to maintain such enthusiasm long-term.
These kinds of guys are likely to ghost me.
Guys who rush into relationships overwhelm me and then disappear, leaving me with lots of emotional baggage. I don’t want to be ghosted, and interestingly, I find it’s happened to me mostly by guys who come on too strong. It’s like they can’t deal with the level of commitment they’ve given me, so they run off. Cowards.
Too much effort is scary, not sexy.
I once went on a date with a guy who sent me a text afterward telling me he was deleting all his dating apps and changing his Facebook relationship status because he wanted to be with me. Um, we’d been on one date! If a guy’s so willing to make me his after a two-hour coffee date, I’m frightened instead of flattered. He clearly has some issue brewing. It might not be desperation, but it could be something else, like a love of the chase. Whatever it is, I’m out!
He could be needy.
Those guys who claim to love me from early on are sometimes clingy more than interested. I dated a guy who asked me for advice when we started dating and then seemed to confide in me all the time. Ugh. I felt like his psychologist instead of the woman he was dating. It was too much. He took advantage of my golden ear and then his attraction fizzled. Basically, a guy who comes on too strongly really makes me fear that he just wants something from me.
Those “nice” guys can be too nice.
I love nice guys, but honestly when they’re too nice — too polite, too available, too accommodating — I start to feel like they’re jerks in disguise. No one can be that nice all the time, and especially not to someone they’ve just met. If I give it a bit of time, the nice guys who are too nice will show their true colors — and they ain’t pretty.
Why some people end up falling in love too fast
While it takes most of us a while before we can truly say we’re in love with someone, there are people who are always falling in love too fast. Here’s why that happens.
They have emophilia.
That’s the name for the condition of falling in love quickly and frequently. Also known as “emotional promiscuity,” people who have this condition are extremely eager to fall in love and find themselves experiencing this emotion often, according to Psychology Today. As strange as it sounds, this condition is way too common. In fact, you probably know more than one person who has it!
They struggle with loneliness.
Maybe it’s not so much that they’re falling in love too fast as that they think being in a romantic relationship is the only way to quell their loneliness. They crave an intimate partnership and feel like when they have one, suddenly their lives will be complete and they’ll never feel alone again. Of course, this isn’t the case at all, but that doesn’t make this habit any easier to break.
They’re way too idealistic.
How many of us have grown up with Disney movies and rom-coms as our representation of what love is like? It’s so screwed up because it’s led many of us to think that we’re going to see someone and know right off the bat that they’re The One for us, sometimes often without even speaking a word. We’ll be swept off our feet and live happily ever after, right? Wrong, of course, but given those unrealistic ideals we’ve all grown up with, can anybody blame people for feeling that way?
They don’t know what real love looks like.
Is it possible that people with emophilia aren’t actually falling in love too fast (or at all) but that they don’t actually know what love looks like? Love isn’t obsession, it’s not lust, it’s not panicked desire and need. Real love is a whole lot more relaxed. It’s a feeling of comfort, of finally coming home. It’s likely that people who are constantly basically planning their wedding to a near-stranger really don’t get how they’re feeling anyway.
They have serious FOMO.
If it feels like everyone around you is getting into relationships, moving in together, getting married, and having kids, what happens if you’re left behind? You start to feel like you’re missing out on something and you try to rush the process so you can “catch up” with some invisible timeline that doesn’t really exist. Many people end up falling in love too fast because they feel like it’s the only way they can keep up with what they feel like everyone else is doing. The problem is that these relationships never last and they only end up making those who get into them more miserable in the end.
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