The only place where hot and cold behavior is fun is in that Katy Perry song. In real life, it just leaves you confused AF. Really, it’s worth remembering that guys know when they’re acting like douchebags—they’re not sending you mixed messages by accident. Here’s what’s going on so you don’t get caught up in their game.
They have a hidden agenda.
What makes a guy blow hot and cold? It’s about keeping you where he wants you, such as knowing he can call you up and invite you over to his house when he’s lonely AF and you’ll go. To achieve this, guys will turn on the hot behavior, using charm, flattery, and attention when they feel you slipping away.
They’re selfish af.
Guys who blow hot and cold are playing a game and they want to get their way all the time. That means trying to make you feel special when they want sex or attention— or dissing you when they’re not interested. There’s no stability, only selfishness. It’s not about how you’re feeling but what they can get out of the situation.
They’re super charming.
Sure, they know how to make you feel like a million bucks but that’s not who they really are. They’re really insecure, immature, and stringing you along. The charm is a mask, so don’t fall for it!
They make you hopeful.
How many times have you been crushed by a guy who acts hot and cold, and thought, “Things will get better” or “He says he likes me, though”? Too many damn times! They want you to be in that uncertain state where you’re easier to control. Your hope is a dead-end, girl.
They don’t make things official, even after months.
Of course not. That would mean “game over.” Instead, they act like your boyfriend when they’re trying to impress you and make them like you. “Hot and cold” guys aren’t looking for something committed, otherwise they wouldn’t be playing such childish games.
They’ve got other women on the side.
If they’re all over the show with you, they’re not into you. What’s stopping them from having other women on their speed-dial? They’ll give you just enough breadcrumbs to make you think you’re the only one, but your gut’s probably screaming at you that you’re not. Listen to your gut rather than the guy.
These guys will throw on the blasting cold to make you miss them. You can’t really miss them or realize how much you like them if they’re always around, right? They play on that. It’s during this time when your pain highlights your feelings for them, especially because they were so nice/romantic/into you before they turned on the minus-zero temperature. Instead of missing them, diss them and GTFO!
They turn on the crazy.
When you’ve had enough of their behavior and question them about how they’re putting you on the backburner, they might reply, “But we weren’t officially dating!” So now you’re the one to blame and they might even make you think you’re the one who drove them away with your clingy behavior. This is BS. It’s just a way for them to come out of the situation smelling like flowers. You wouldn’t feel crazy if they would just act normal.
They’re all about the challenge.
It’s not satisfying enough for these guys to get with you and enjoy a relationship. In fact, it might be boring for them. They want the chase, the challenge, and the rush, along with the sex if they can get it. They tend to go cold on you when the chase comes to an end, like when they know how you feel about them.
They like to feel powerful.
Don’t be mistaken: this is all about the guy’s ego. Guys who blow hot and cold want to feel important and special, knowing such a great catch as yourself is into them. They want to feel that they can control women and be chased by them. What losers. All the more reason to GTFO the minute a guy goes from giving you Tropical to Arctic temperatures. Don’t give him the satisfaction of making him feel worthy—his insecurities aren’t your problem.
Don’t waste your time keeping these guys in suspense or playing hard to get in the hopes of keeping them around—they’re not worth hiding your feelings in the hope of hooking them because it won’t get you anywhere. All those mixed messages point to one thing: they’re not really into you.
They’re not taking this seriously.
You might think the guy was really into you or that he wanted a relationship, but then something changed. No! A guy who’s truly into you isn’t going to change his mind about you, especially if you’ve done nothing to scare him away, like kill his dog. The problem with guys who blow hot and cold is that the minute things get too real, they bounce. They don’t want to get too serious because they were never serious to begin with! If they had been, they would’ve given you a nice, stable climate right from the start, not burned your fingers or given you frostbite.
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