12 Things You Should Never Say When Dumping Someone

It’s a fact of life that in dating, most relationships will come to an end. We’ve all had to dump someone, and we’ve likely been on the receiving end of a relationship cut-off, too. It’s not a pleasant experience for either party involved, so we often resort to using age-old clichés to try and soften the blow. However, these can do more harm than good. Instead of telling the person you’re dumping the harsh truth of why you’re ending things, these recycled lines can distort the truth, and leave both of you feeling confused. Here are 12 things that should never come out of your mouth when breaking up:

  1. “It’s not you, it’s me.” Probably the most commonly used dumping cliché, but what does this even mean? Nine times out of 10, it is him. So why don’t you just tell him the real reason, instead of dancing around the issue with this meaningless piece of nonsense?
  2. “I just need some space.” This is misleading, as it gives the person being dumped hope that the relationship may continue in future if he/she backs off for a few weeks. If you use this line, then be prepared for a bombardment of calls/emails in the weeks or even months to follow.
  3. “I think we should see other people.” This is usually code for “I’ve met someone else who I really like,” so you need to just tell it to him straight, as cruel and heartless it may seem. Saying that you want to see other people sounds like you’re suggesting an open relationship, or swinging.
  4. “You’ll make  someone a lovely husband one day.” This is so painfully patronizing, and won’t make him feel any better that you’re dumping him. If he was such a lovely person with great husband potential, then you wouldn’t be dumping him in the first place, would you?
  5. “I need to focus on my studies/career.” This isn’t a real reason to dump someone. How many married couples do you know where one or both of them has a job? Most of them? Yeah, thought so. Most people work or study during the day then are free to do whatever they like during evenings and weekends, including meet up with boyfriends. Nobody works 24 hours a day, so this isn’t a real excuse.
  6. “We can still be friends.” Right now he doesn’t want to be your friend, because you’ve just broken his heart. We all say we’ll keep in touch with exes, but it rarely works out. Usually when you try to stay friends with your ex, it results  in some awkward drunken sex, which means that he’s going to get hurt all over again. There are exceptions to the rule, but in most cases, a clean break is best.
  7. “I’m just too messed up.” This is a phrase which has come straight from the movies, and has no relevance in real life. If you’re going through an emotional struggle, then a good partner will support you through it, no questions asked. If you’re not having any issue, then he won’t have any idea what you’re talking about. Just tell him the real reason you want to dump him.
  8. “I don’t deserve someone like you.” NEVER ever put yourself down to the guy you’re dumping. You should be calm and assertive, so you can walk away from the relationship with your dignity intact. You shouldn’t tell him how terrible a person you are, or that you don’t deserve him. If it’s reached the stage when you’ve had to dump him, then it usually means that you deserve someone even better!
  9. “I’m not ready for anything serious at the moment.” This is another way of saying, “I want to go out and have lots of sex with lots of different people.” The issue is nothing to do with commitment, because if you really liked the guy, you wouldn’t want to break it off. Don’t try and turn the failure of the relationship into something that it’s not – you may as well tell him “I’m just not that into you.”
  10. “I still love you.” There’ s nothing that will blur the lines more than telling someone that you still love them. It gives a false hope that the relationship may rekindle in the near future, and may result in him begging you to change your mind, which is awkward. If you are sure you want to end it, then keep it clean and simple; if you really do still love him, then you should reconsider dumping him.
  11. “There are plenty more fish in the sea.” He doesn’t want a fish, he wants you. This is yet another meaningless phrase that doesn’t tell him where you think the relationship went wrong. The equivalent would be going into a shoe store, where the sales assistant tells you that you can have any design in the store… apart from the ones you really want. Of course you’re going to leave disappointed.
  12. “It just wasn’t meant to be.” Again, this doesn’t tell your partner anything. What if he thinks everything in the relationship was going along wonderfully? Using this phrase is just a cop out so you don’t have to tell him the real reason for dumping him. Woman up and just tell him!

So, what should you say when dumping someone? The answer is simple: just tell the truth. He might not be aware he is doing anything wrong, but you owe it to his future girlfriends to prevent any misery for them. If he’s a reasonable adult, he’ll take your comments on board. If he reacts by screaming at you and throwing his mobile phone against the wall, then that will only confirm that you’re making the right decision to dump him anyway, so good riddance!

Ailie is a freelance and creative writer living in Scotland. When she is not busy writing, she will likely be found taking part in political protests, competing in muddy obstacle courses, and climbing mountains. https://ailiewallace.com
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