They say “time heals all wounds” and it’s true that we that eventually we do feel better and move on after a breakup. Still, there are things we can do to make it hurt just a little less and actually move forward faster.
Don’t pretend it doesn’t hurt. By actually acknowledging your feelings, you can come to terms with them, process them, and then bury them. When we try to pretend we’re OK, we just push those feelings aside until we have one too many glasses of wine and end up calling him, which is a big no-no.
Deal with it in your own way. What worked for your BFF may not work for you. Perhaps torching all photos of him was therapeutic for her, you might just feel worse after. It doesn’t matter how you choose to deal with it, but make sure it works for you.
Don’t call it a waste of days/months/years. It wasn’t a waste. No matter how awful your relationship ended up being, you learned valuable lessons about love and life from dating that jerk. I bet you’ll never let anyone else do what he did to you again.
If you made a mistake, own up to it and then let yourself move on. Maybe it’s your fault the relationship is over, but so what? Everyone messes up at one point or another, and we can move on way more quickly if we just admit our mistake and commit to not doing it again. Don’t endlessly punish yourself.
Go back to doing things you love. Maybe you used to practice yoga every day, or perhaps your once weekly brunch dates with the girls got sidelined. Fill your life with the things that made it full before he was even around. You’ll forget he ever mattered in no time.
Cry. Reminder: you’re allowed to cry. It doesn’t make you weak or pathetic. Sometimes you just need to let it all out, deal with the puffy eyes, and decide he isn’t worth it. Don’t let anyone tell you to stop crying over him if that’s what you feel like you need to do.
Stop talking to him. I know that sometimes we think we need to keep talking to him to get closure, but you really need to cut him out for a while until you’re out of the vulnerable stage and can make wise decisions when you’re around him. You broke up for a reason, so don’t get caught back up in his web.
Get off social media. I highly recommend taking a few weeks off of social media. If you can’t help but look at his Facebook or his Instagram, then just take a break. It’ll all still be there when you return and you’ll feel a lot better for it. You don’t need to know what he’s doing anymore.
Don’t keep momentos. Maybe he gave you jewelry, or perhaps you have a box with memories from trips you went on or events you two attended. Don’t keep this crap! If you just cant handle trashing it, then ask a sibling or a good friend to keep it until you’re strong enough to see it without bursting into tears.
Date, but do so cautiously. Just because you spent the last several months or years with your ex doesn’t mean you’re dead to the dating world. You should get back out there when you’re ready, but just be kind to your heart. The dating jungle is a rough place right now and you don’t want to force yourself to see other people if you aren’t totally ready.
Smile. It’s hard to see through the pain during a breakup. Even the good times can make you cry even harder than the bad ones. But smiling and refusing to let this get the better of you is the best thing you can do. It won’t make it hurt less, but it will make it go away faster. If you’re forcing yourself to see through the crap and smile, then the pain won’t have a choice but to subside.
Lean on your support system. Sometimes we feel bad about leaning on the people we love when we’re hurting. Don’t! Friends and family are there for us no matter what, and we’d do it for them, too. Don’t keep it all bottled up inside if you need someone else to talk to. Just don’t abuse their friendship and expect them to keep listening to it a year later.
Get the hell over it. This sounds harsh, because it’s true. You need to stop dwelling and making your life about the fact that he’s no longer in it. You control your feelings, not him. So, after you’ve had a good few days of wine and mourning the death of your relationship, wake up and get the hell over it. It’s over and done with and you have a full life ahead of you. So get up and go after it, already!