You can love someone with your whole heart and still not have a good relationship. Relationships take sacrifice, self-reflection, and a lot of work. That being said, not every relationship deserves a fight. Some people aren’t right for you, no matter how much you love them. Here are 14 signs your relationship is over and it’s time to call it quits.
Every day is a challenge. Relationships go through rough patches. Some days need more communication and patience than others and that’s normal. What’s not normal is feeling like you have to work at your relationship every single day. Don’t get me wrong, relationships are all about work, but it shouldn’t feel like you’re running a never-ending marathon.
Your partner isn’t reliable. Does your partner show up for you? Is he there when you need him? Would he cancel on his friends to spend time with you after a rough day? If he’s not reliable, he’s not worth fighting for. (And neither is your relationship if that wasn’t obvious.)
You’re lacking in other areas. Does your relationship take up most of your energy? Then it’s not worth saving. If it was, you wouldn’t be behind on all your work projects and you’d be spending time with your friends and family. It’s OK to make some sacrifices in the name of love, but not to the point that you’re falling behind in other areas.
He’s abusive. He may not be physically abusive, but he makes you feel less of a person. Whether it’s what he says or how he says it, you shouldn’t be with someone who’s hurting your self-esteem. A relationship with an abusive partner is never worth fighting for.
He disappoints you. Has he cheated on you more than once? Does he regularly cancel plans? It sounds like he doesn’t really care about you. If he did, he’d go out of his way to NOT disappoint you. You wouldn’t fail him on purpose, would you? So then why does he fail you?
You walk on eggshells. It’s gotten to the point where you’re uncomfortable with each other. The sex is awkward and your conversations stay above the surface. The worst part is that you don’t even care. You’ve grown content with the weirdness that is your relationship and that’s a problem. It’s time to walk away!
You’re not your happiest. If your relationship has turned you into someone bitter and sad, then it’s not worth fighting for. You don’t deserve to be unhappy. Sometimes love isn’t enough to make two people compatible long-term. Don’t fight for a relationship you have to force.
More signs your relationship is over
No one’s willing to be vulnerable. After all this time, neither of you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable. A relationship can’t survive without vulnerability. While you might love each other, your love isn’t deep enough for you to feel safe. You don’t say anything and neither does he. What’s the point of your relationship if you can’t really talk?
There’s too much damage. Whether he cheated or you said something unforgivable, sometimes there’s damage that can’t be repaired. You might want to fight through your mistakes to find forgiveness, but it’s not always possible. Sometimes the hardest thing you can do is realize your relationship isn’t worth fighting for.
Your friends have doubts. Triggering comment alert! Your friends see your relationship clearer than you do. They know you, they know him, and they know when there’s a problem. Do your friends think you should call it quits? That’s a pretty clean sign your relationship isn’t worth the energy you’re putting in.
He doesn’t meet your love expectations. Everyone shows their love differently. You might express your affection with words and he might rely on actions. It’s OK if he doesn’t love the same way you do, as long as he’s meeting your emotional expectations. Is he? If not, the relationship will never complete you no matter how hard you fight.
You’re opposite communicators. He deals with his emotions with avoidance and you prefer open conversation. It’s no wonder your relationship is a challenge. You might think it’s mature to work through this, but it could be a waste of time. Why be with him when you can be with someone whose communication style compliments yours?
He’s way too possessive. At first, you thought it was cute how much he cared about you. But now you realize he likes the control. He wants to know where you are and who you’re with because he’s possessive. While it might not seem dangerous now, it could become dangerous later.
You’ve already given up. What dating app are you going to download once your relationship ends? If you answered that question with an actual app, your relationship isn’t worth fighting for and you know it. You’re just afraid to walk away. It’ll be hard for a while, but once the dust settles, you’ll realize it’s better to be alone than stuck with someone who makes life hard.
What the experts say
While many of the signs your relationship is over are subjective, there are some things that happen between two people who are no longer right for each other that most relationship experts agree on.
You can’t connect to your partner emotionally anymore. In the beginning, you felt totally in tune with them on a deep level, but you can’t say the same these days. It gets to the point where you can’t even talk about anything real anymore, and that tends to be the death knell. As licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D. told Brides: “We ‘hide’ deeper feelings (from ourselves and from others)…When we find ourselves behaving in ways that aren’t typical, we might need to do a little soul-searching to get a clearer picture of where our attitude is coming from.”
Sex is no longer appealing. While it’s normal for couples to jump each other’s bones nonstop at the beginning and then have that desire settle into something more comfortable the longer you’re together, the idea of being intimate with your partner in this way should make you feel something (and not disgust). “When just the thought of your partner being close or touching you intimately is off-putting, [it could] signal that the relationship is in need of an overhaul, or that a breakup is potentially near,” White advised.
Your eyes are somewhere else. Not only are you no longer attracted to your partner, but you’ve started to feel attraction to other people. This goes beyond simply acknowledging a beautiful woman or a handsome guy. It’s something deeper. “If you find that your eye is not only just wandering every now and then but it’s gone off on a solo trek to find itself then you need to really question your commitment to the relationship. Would you really be thinking about what you and the handsome guy sitting across from your children would look like if you were properly committed?” therapist Karolina Jurasik says.
Your fights go ’round and ’round in circles. You thought you hashed things out three weeks ago but the same topics keep on coming up and they cause bigger explosions every time. This is one of the signs your relationship is over, without a doubt. “If the feeling of being really low, unjustly accused, blamed or put down as a result of fights becomes just too familiar, it might be a sign that things are becoming really serious and you need to make some decisions,” Jurasik advises. “Rather than slowly and painfully pushing them away, a clean break is often the best and kindest thing to do. You might even be able to remain friends in time to come.”
You just don’t trust them anymore. If your partner betrayed you in any way, the likelihood of getting back to a place where you feel you can truly trust them is pretty slim. What they did will constantly be at the back of your mind and it’ll creep up when you least expect it to (and often when you least want it to). As clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., explained: “Trust is the foundation of a committed relationship, and a lack of it hollows out a relationship from the inside.” If that’s not the truth, I don’t know what is.